Thursday, February 21, 2008


you know that frank sinatra song "luck be a lady tonight"? i get what he's trying to say but if this "lady" is anything like the chicks i encounter they're just going to ignore me or, at the very best, make fun of me - i don't want luck to be like that. so, how about we make "luck" a ham sandwich or a really, really, reaaalllyyy desperate drunk girl – something i can really dominate and sink my teeth into.

doesn't randy jackson from "american idol" more or less sound like a generic white dude trying to sound black? with all his "yos, dawgs, mans" and such? this guy is just so corny it's unbelievable. at one point on the show, simon remarked how one of the singers did a complete 180 to which randy chimes in, "nah dawg, more like a 360, yo." i think a more interesting competition would be if randy and paula were judged on who is the most irrelevant, vapid waste of space on tv. oh, and randy was in journey and known as "thunderlips"...weird.

has anybody else noticed the trend of gang signs being carved into the toilet seats of public restrooms? what the crap is this? can you imagine some thugged out homey-g all blinged out, on hands and knees, drawing on a toilet seat? blech! this must be some sort of gang initiation thing. and what happens if some gangsta' catches me sitting on one of these seats? will I get my ass beat 'cause i'm invading his turf?

living in la, i've noticed that every saturday there is a gaggle of yamika'd and curly-sideburned jews lining the streets, walking to temple. now, i believe the reason they're walking is because saturday is their sabbath and they aren't supposed to work and driving their cadillacs is considered work. fine, their god doesn't want them to work on saturday but don't you think their interpretation of this holliest of biblical laws is a bit antiquated? just ask moses if he would've rather spent a week leading a fleet of air-conditioned, economically effeicient ford foci accross the sahara or spend 40 some years schlepping across the arid desert in a pair of crusty old sandals and on the humps of a few camels...what do you think is more work?

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