Wednesday, February 20, 2008

blog dimorphism

i was on the phone with my mom the other day and she mentioned that she saw a pic of paris hilton and nicole richie on the internets and this was the question she had for me: "does it make me a horrible person if i think nicole richie looks great and paris hilton looks like a fat cow?" haahaa, that cracked me up. and, the sad thing is, i've maintained that nicole richie has looked pretty good throughout her whole "weight problems" as well - she at least looks a million times better than she did in her chubby days during the first few seasons of "the simple life." not sure about paris hilton looking like a "fat cow," but i can appreciate the thought. i'm not sure which is funnier - my mom's comments on paris and nicole or her persistent inquiries as to why "i don't just date lindsay lohan?" seriously, whenever i whine to my mom about any problems i have with the opposite sex, me dating lindsay lohan is her tried and true, unwavering solution to everybody's happiness. she'll remark how "poor lindsay wouldn't need all those drugs and alcohol if she had you in her life." thanks mama!

i've been on this obsessive kick lately over why people are so grossed out by cannibalism. assuming, of course, that it's healthy, tastes good and the humans aren't being raised like cattle (i'm thinking cancer patients or stillborns). maybe this is a big assumption but i think it's something we can wrap our heads around for the sake of discussion. now, i always use taco bell as an example because i LOVE t-bell but also recognize they use the lowest grade meat known to man. so, if you LOVE t-bell, as i do, only to find out tomorrow that all their meat products are, in fact, human flesh would you be bothered by this? of course not! what does it matter? look at it this way, would you tongue kiss or poke and prod a fat disgusting cow in the same manner you'd do a human? of course not, that's sick! so, with that logic, if you'd rather indulge (and even enjoy) licking and slobbering over each and every human orifice, by that same token, shouldn't you also be less grossed out by eating their flesh?

fine, the will ferrell skit with the drunk, baby landlord is funny but does every one have to post it on their myspace page? how about at least a modicum of creative, myspace autonomy? you know what else? i'll say it too - will ferrell is grossly overrated. except for "stranger than fiction" his movies suck. how many times can he get away with playing the same exact character in every single movie he does? he's always this baby huey-esque, dim-witted, inflection less, good-natured, drunken oaf who is prone to tourettes like, panic-stricken screaming fits. is this getting old to anyone else? oh, and then there's the thing where he just starts spouting off random crap that has nothing to do with anything and this just gets huuuge laughs (barf). like in "anchorman" when he says san diego is "german for a whale's vagina." what the crap is that? this kills me too because he's clearly the best snl cast member ever but it just doesn't translate to movies. except for "elf," that was the only movie where his whole man-child act actually worked and made sense.

you know, there isn't a whole lot of sexual dimorphism amongst asians. the whole jinn/sun - "who's the daddy" pregnancy thing on "lost" made me re-realize this. seriously, how easy would it be as an asian woman to get away with cheating and getting pregnant by another asian man? all asians look similar enough where you'd never be able to just look at someone and question their parentage. think about it, have you ever seen an asian couple taking a paternity test on "maury?" racist? perhaps.

ba dum BLOG!!!

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