blog the ta tas

everyone has dreams and goals in life and maybe .03 per cent of people ever achieve them. for example, my dream job would be to do something in comedy. but, the more i think about it, i have it so easy right now doing the corporate thing, sitting on my ass in a cubicle all day just working on auto pilot. but, if i ever tried to write, do stand-up or be a clown i'd surely face years and years of failure and more than likely (almost assuredly) never make it. plus, it would take a ton of work, sacrifice and i'd be super poor and destitute. i don't need that. i want to just keep doing what i'm doing; move slowly but surely up the corporate ladder, never face failure, do some schmoozin' for 8 hours a day, go home to my apartment in sherman oaks (the jewel of the valley) and just live a stress-free, comfortable life. maybe it's a cop-out but that's my new dream and, as it is, i'm living it. i think what it boils down to is that i just don't ever want to be in a position where i'm saying "hey, i'm funny. pay me money in exchange for my funniness." only to have said guy respond "you're not funny. i'm not giving you money, go home." see, that would motivate some people but that just makes me want to go home, crawl into a ball and eat.

i never understood the humourous implications of the guy with the square of toilet paper stuck to his shoe. i personally think it's hilarious but i'm not sure why this is such a comedy staple. is it his own piece of toilet paper that he was using, is it just a stray, why is it stuck to his shoe, etc. i can see if the toilet paper had a big poo stain on it but it seems like it's always just a clean square.

i don't know how i feel about all this breast cancer stuff going on...i just feel like all the cancer money should be going into one big pot rather than divvying it up betwixt breasts, prostates, lungs, etc. it just seems like it's a big cancer competition. aren't all cancers the same anyway? forgive me i'm wrong but if we find the cure for breast cancer wouldn't that cure also work for lung cancer? ugh, i just don't like how the fight against breast cancer has turned into this whole girl power, feminism thing. i don't know...obviously it's for a good cause but it just bugs me.

since we're on the topic of boobies, i'll share my thoughts and/or proclivities towards boobs. unlike most guys, i really don't give a shit about boobs. don't get me wrong, i love them but i've never been more or less attracted to a chick because of her boobs. a-cups, d-cups; whatever. i guess my main thing is i just want them perky. i'd rather have a perky a-cup than a saggy-d cup. but, at the same time, i'd never detract from a girls' attractiveness for having saggy boobs. oh, and i absolutely HATE fake boobies. i hate everything about them; i hate the way they look, feel, the reasons girls get them, EVERYTHING.

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