Saturday, February 23, 2008


i've recently gotten into the habit of eating while dropping a deuce. not full blown meals, but like crackers and cookies. is it unsanitary? perhaps, but i like it because it makes me feel like my body is an assembly line - all systems a go!

i hate plastic surgery and everything it stands for but if there were a procedure that could shave some bone off my prodigious skull i feel i may be tempted to go through with it. my head has always been huge but with my hairline receding at an alarming rate, i'm beginning to look like piltdown man. see, not only is my forehead huge vertically, but unfortunately broad at the same time. the hair at my temples is receding as well and, needless to say, it's a very unflattering look.

i don't care what anybody says, the celebrities love the paparazzi. they act like they hate them and are super annoyed by them but i know the second the paparazzi stopped caring they'd freak out and have a nervous breakdown. because, all the paparazzi is is an extension of us. the paparazzi only cares about who we care about and in turn, the hoi polloi buys the magazines they're in and buys the movies, tv shows and music they put out. it's a reciprocal thing. the other thing is, if the celebrities hated the paparazzi so much they'd boycott shizz like people magazine instead of stroking themselves in those five page, borefest interviews. the first few pages of people are all paparazzi pictures anyway so why would the celebrities give so many all-access, never before seen, exclusive interviews if they hated them so much.

i really hate elevators. i have to ride an elevator at least two times a day, everyday at work. if there were stairs to take i would but i don't think they're accessible from the parking garage. anyway, if i could i'd climb stairs up to four stories twice a day, everyday if i had to just so i could avoid elevators. i'm not scared of elevators i just hate the idea of staying still while i'm moving. that's why i hate driving and love walking. i'm a mutha' grabbin' man of action!

ba dum BLOG!!!

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