hanoi blog

how hilarious would it be if paris hilton had a kid and named it "hanoi" because she thought "hanoi hilton" was one of her relatives and a great and influential person? i think that would be the single most hilarious thing to ever happen and the world would just go kablooey because it couldn't handle the pure, unadulterated hilarity of it all. the best part is that this is completely plausible.

i'm tired of all the "groin" talk. whenever someone shoots themselves there, gets hit there during a sporting event or is referenced during a court preceding it's always the "groin/groin region." we have so many great, funny, descriptive names for the "groin region;" let's use them. even the technical names like "penis," "testicles," "gonads," "scrotums," and "scrotum sack" are hilarious. but we also have less formal gems such as "junk," "balls," "nuts," "'nads," "dork," "dick," "cock," "weiner" and so on. seriously, how great would it be watching a football game and hear dan dierdorff or madden say "yikes, t.o. just got hit right in the dork!"

would it kill hillary to eschew the pant-suit for a skirt just once? it doesn't have to be a too-hot-to-trot leather booty skirt or anything either, but a long, old-lady ankle skirt or something. hillary and barrack should strike a deal; she wears a skirt and barrack robs a liquor store - racist??? back to the skirt though; this is a scary precedent hillary is starting. if women stop wearing skirts how will we know the difference betwixt the little boy's and little girl's rooms? next thing you know, little girls will be squatting in urinals and little boys will be dropping deuces on those vanity couches women's have.

i think i'm gonna' get a facial. no, not like a porno facial but one where i go to a salon and have a korean chick or gay dude cleanse my pores with various topicals and creams - preferably with french nomenclature and/or made of kiwis and rain forest water. i probably have some blackheads in my nose that've been there since junior high that are due for their comeuppance.

ba dum BLOG!!!