douche blog

after years of just throwing "douche" and "douche bag" around willy nilly it occurred to me that i really have no idea what a douche is. now, i knew it had something to do with a girl's naughty bits and its hygiene but beyond that - not a clue. is it an actual bag or a kit, which contained various soaps and other sundry supplies, was it like a sponge or did it even exist at all? in times of curiosity and various degrees of ignorance i'll refer to the veritable cornucopia of knowledge that is the wikipedia and nothing says class like typing "douche bag" into the wikipedia search engine. of course, the wikipedia had a very thorough description which included pictures, history and instructions. i'll leave the gory details to your own leisure but now i know.

i was just thinking about how hard it must be to be a baby. you have to learn how to talk, walk and poop in toilets in a matter of a few years. if i was presented with that difficult of a task today i'd never make it. and, not only do you have to learn how to talk - you have to learn a whole language. and, before you can even talk, all you can do is cry to get attention and i'm sure all that crying hurts your throat and makes you cry even more. it's amazing there aren't more baby suicides.

i went to the dry cleaners for the first time in my life yesterday. i was super nervous because i thought for sure that it'd be difficult and the guy would give me crap because i didn't know what to say or do, but it went fine. it was actually pretty cool - i felt like jerry seinfeld because my only knowledge of dry cleaners is from jerry going in episodes of "seinfeld. " i felt very cosmopolitan and urbane.

my dreams are vivid and crazy and i actually remember most of the details the next day. one recurring dream i've been having is where i need to pee in real life so i pee in my dream and i always wake up freaked out because i think i might've wet my bed but i didn't which is cool because that means my brain is more powerful than my bladder. another dream of note was where i was grocery shopping and decided to only buy items which were red like apples, boxes of ritz crackers, hawaiian punch etc. and seeing if the check out person would say anything when i rolled through with a cart full of red. i woke up thinking why can't i think of these things while i'm awake and how amazing it is that i'm even more clever asleep than i am awake. btw, when i pee in my dream it's never in a toilet, but on an eight-year-old boy...jk, omg, lol.

ba dum BLOG!!!