Sunday, February 24, 2008

blog smear

i love how easy life is in tv and movies. whenever some dude likes a chick and she has a significant other, he is always the biggest creep in the world. he's usually an alcoholic, a wife beater, a racist, a pedophile and/or a minority. however, in my life, when i fancy any handsome young ladies, who are otherwise attached, i'm the one who can never measure up. they're always taller, smarter, richer, funnier, not balding and nicer than me. i want to make this movie.

on a similar jaunt...i love how, in tv and movies, anytime a guy clumsily bumps into, trips, clotheslines or horse collars some young lass this is a guarantee that she will give him the sex at some point in the movie. it always happens in the school halls or the grocery store and just taunts you with "see, it can happen anywhere, anytime..." and, the guy always charmingly stammers his way out of the awkward situation with no numbers exchanged or dates made, only to run into the same exact girl, who he's never seen before in his life, the very next day. how convenient; clumsy (yet charming) ice breaker + casual, coincidental meeting = the sex. ughhh

what's with the "friends" hangout "central perk?" (which i always felt was more of an allusion to jennifer aniston's nipples than to 'central park') anyway, the british show "coupling" has a very similar hangout to "central perk" where, instead of it being a coffee house, it's a pub where they drink beer and other variations of distilled spirits and/or highballs. so, this got me thinking; why are four people (i'll eliminate joey and phoebe), who seemingly have normal 9-5 jobs, drinking all this coffee after work? i mean, we can only assume they're hanging out after work, right? it can't be before work, it can't be during the day and i refuse to accept they were all just chillaxin at the "perk" on the weekend. i thought people wanted to wind down after their workday and wouldn't coffee contradict this - could they all be drinking decaf? or, is it that american tv is too uptight to be showing the more realistic venture of cosmopolitan, 30-something new yorkers engaging in the art of hittin' the sauce rather than caffeine? oh, and one more thing, how un-new yorky is friends? are there really generic pottery barn/ikea looking coffee houses in new york? the show always felt much more la to me than ny.

speaking of which, what the heck is a pap smear??? i'll probably wikipedia this after i blog but couldn't they come up with a more discreet name? they're smearing the pap..what??? what's a pap??? is this a condiment for bagels??? i assume it's somewhat analogous to a physical or a prostate exam but "smear???" ewwww, that's like calling labor a "fetus splat" or a nocturnal emission a "handjob by jesus." we all know what these things are but isn't it up to the medical community to dress it up all nice? isn't that part of the hippocratic oath?

ba dum BLOG!!!

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