Sunday, February 24, 2008

a jewish blogger

say you were dating said hottest celebrity in the world like jessica alba/biel or somebody of that ilk? (not my favorites but for the sake of discussion...) so, get this, you've been going steady for like a month and have yet to get past second base and then you've finally got her in your bed and she says "before we go any further, i have to tell you something - i'm your long lost sister." what do you do? i don't even think about it twice - i do it. she's your sister, big'd be weird if you grew up with her as your sister but for all intensive purposes she's just some chick. i'd even go as far as to marry her as long as it was kept a secret because the rest of the country isn't as evolved as me to get it. just don't have kids and the rest would be gravy.

do you think joseph is the only jewish carpenter in history? seriously, jesus rising from the dead has nothing on the fact that there was once a jewish carpenter. also, do you think joe and jesus ever had this convo: "jeez, jesus. the romans just ordered another 100 crucifix. now i can finally afford to buy mary a dress that's not blue." i might have stolen this from george carlin but i'm not sure.

sometimes, after i take a shower, i like to stand in front of the mirror and shadow box and act all tough. i particularly like to do this before i go to a bar so i could get my testosterone up so i could be the cock of the walk. however, i just realized i don't really know how to throw a punch. i just kinda' flail my arms with my fists at a weird angle. is punching supposed to be inherently known or something that's supposed to be learned? because, i remember in "beverly hills 90210", brandon and dylan used to get into a lot of fights and they'd always knock everyone out with like one punch. i bet nat used to take them out behind the peach pit and learn them how to do that. i refuse to believe that's something they just knew how to do.

is it january 4, 2008 today in iraq or do they use a different calendar? is it 3:43 there too? or do they use some hoodoo voodoo muslim calendar/time?

ba dum BLOG!!!

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