Sunday, September 28, 2008

the top 10 things i noticed from the debate (and you didn't) vol. 1

i don't have the chops to provide a real, comprehensive analysis of all things debates so i'll provide a more eclectic, gimmicky look at what i saw and heard (and, more importantly, what you didn't see and hear). besides, this thing has been analyzed and taken apart a million times over by now and i don't just merely want to hitch my blog to their professional, well written, analytical wagons and provide my ba dum BLOGateers with the silly, irrelevant and inconsequential underbelly of all things debated.

*blogged and listed in chronological order

1. john mccain bringing up ted kennedy: did anyone else get the sense that they had a coin flip backstage over who would get to mention ted kennedy's deteriorating health during the debates? i just find it odd that john boy would be the one to do it in lieu of o'bama since kennedy has kinda' been like his mentor and big fat white benefactor. or, was this just mccain politickin' and extending the proverbial bi-partisan olive branch? either way, it was awkward and strange.

2. wall street "bad," main street "good:" i can't tell you why but i found this whole wall street vs. main street thing very clever and effective. is this a common and known phrasing to distinguish betwixt the phat cats on wall street as opposed to the normal, corn fed lot on main street? since both candidates were using it and using it quite liberally, i doubt this phrase was just coined that night. either way, i was amused and every time someone said "main street" it made me think of disneyland :)

3. no commercials: really, no commercials??? it's bad for the debators, it's bad for the bloggers and it's bad for the economy. it's not like the debators are merely just standing their and reading a pre-fed speech off the teleprompter either. for one thing, they're standing, which isn't easy, and i'd imagine this is probably one of the most taxing ordeals you could ever put your brain through. we can't give these fellas one 10 minute break??? it's tough for bloggers too. i actually peed into a bucket in my living room just so i wouldn't miss anything. for that two minute span i almost devolved into a middle american and nearly signed up for the military and said a prayer. and, most importantly, it's bad for the economy. c'mon, the debate is a ratings bonanza... let's sell some shizz!

4. o'bama needs "hatchet, not scalpel:" i'd like to consider myself a wordsmith and finely tuned into all matters of word choice and diction. this is why i almost slid out of my seat when i heard o'babma say he needed to use a "hatchet, not a scalpel" in regards to fixing the broken economy. now, i believe phrases like this are chambered and decided upon with your handlers and speech writer type guys beforehand as opposed to just coming off the top of your head. but why a "hatchet and not a scalpel?" because barack has been accused of being an "elitist," meaning he hails from the world of academia, deals in nuance and gives thoughtful, wordy answers. now, who uses a scalpel? the educated and creative; doctors and artists use scalpels as it's a tool of fine, thoughtful movements utilized to dissect and carve. while a hatchet is an axe; a crude tool of broad, sweeping movements. injuns and rednecks use hatchets to hack wood, scalps and in-laws. this was o'bama eliciting thoughts of impulsive, decisive action as to distance himself from the world of academia and center himself on the political landscape to appeal to the thoughtless, fuddy duddies of america.

5. warshington's "orgy of spending:" see, he did it again!!! o'bama referred to the government's loose purse strings as an "orgy of spending." just like with before, he's centering himself and appealing to the undecided, right leaning contingency. when middle america hears "orgy," their jesus crosses burn an imprint into their chest. and here, o'bama is eliciting this feeling and attributing it to warshington, the current administration and republicans. orgies = sin, warshington = sin and republicans = sin. oh no, the republicans sinned!!! hell hath no fury on the economy like an angry god's scorn... must mean it's time for o'bama to ride in on his half white steed, clean house and give warshington back to jesus!

6. john mccain is NOT "miss congeniality:" john boy made this comment not only once but twice. of course, we all know what he was trying to say - mainly that he's tough and not one to go along party lines just for the sake of staying buddy buddy with "team republican" when there's some serious reform and presidential butt kickin' to be doled out. however, this was a curious phrase to turn since john boy's running mate, sarah palin, was named "miss congeniality" in a miss alaska pageant from the 80s. this begs the question: is it good or bad to be named "miss congeniality." will palin's congeniality compliment and make up for john boy's lack there of or did he make a booboo and add too much congeniality to the gop's ticket?

7. o'bama doesn't know the difference betwixt "tactic and strategy:" yes, john boy accused o'bama of not understanding the subtle differences betwixt the words when they debated the iraq war. i thought about it and i don't know if i know the difference either other than a "strategy" is something that fosters and comes before a "tactic?" anyway here's what has to say: "in military usage, a distinction is made between strategy and tactics. strategy is the utilization, during both peace and war, of all of a nation's forces, through large-scale, long-range planning and development, to ensure security or victory. tactics deals with the use and deployment of troops in actual combat." neat.

8. the battle of the bracelets: first off, i blame lance armstrong for all this bracelet nonsense; what started off as cute and kitschy has gone full blown ridiculous and annoying. as john boy is trying to rationalize the war in iraq he harkens back to a flimsy, rubber bracelet some mother of a fallen soldier gave mccain and asked him to "make sure her son's death was not in vain." but o'bama would not be outdone… nay!!! he busted out his own bracelet that another mother of a fallen soldier gave to him and asked to "make sure no more mothers have to go thorough this" - meaning dying for a phony war. this was easily the most embarrassing part of the debate. poor o'bama even had to take a beat and read off the name of the fallen soldier from his notes. also, how many bracelets do they think they’re given and how do they decide which one to use in primetime? i think o'bama should've just pulled up his sleeve and said "i have a bracelet too; it's for type 2 diabetes mellitus and it let's people know i may need a cookie or insulin if i am comatose" game, set, match: o'bama.

9. obama "taking them (pakistan) out": woah, o'bama does NOT like pakistan. it's as if he just threw a dart at the middle east to decide where he would take his macho, blowhardy stand just to show team republican that he wasn't a milquetoast, weenie. but, wow... when he actually used the phrase of "taking them out" even a macho, war mongerer like mccain looked shocked. did anyone else know about pakistan being such a rabblerouser??? i sure haven't. i've heard about iraq, iran, north korea and russia... but "taking them (pakistan) out???" like, woah.

10. o'bama didn't "um" or stutter: i found this the most impressive part of the debate. o'bama was an ummin,' stutterin' machine. do people realise how difficult a thing this is to kick? much less at a tension filled forum like a debate in from of the whole country. of course, all the "ums" and stuttering is because o'bama's brain is a churnin' with a bazillion thoughts and ideas at once, but still... on the other hand, john boy still spewed out one "my friends" and still hasn’t kicked that creepy arm thing that makes him look like he’s wading through a cold crick.

ba dum BLOG!!!

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