Sunday, September 14, 2008

blogs a latte!

oooh, i need to add one more person to my award winning "top 11 people i wouldn't carpool with" blog:
"tasmanian devil t-shirters." this look was very popular in the early 90s but you'll still see some
remnants of this mercifully, woebeforgotten look of yore. this has got to be the punch line to some jeff foxworthy "you might be a redneck if..." knee slapper, right? anyway, i don't know what it is that attracts all these dum dums to this look but it's clearly indicative of some sort of dearth of intelligence. i guess it makes sense since the tasmanian devil of "looney tunes" fame is a violent, whirling dervish with the speech pattern and vocabulary of a mentally retarded toddler. i mean, if you were gonna' rock some "looney tunes" character gear why would you choose the wise crackin’, border line genius in bugs bunny or the garrulous, avuncular foghorn leghorn over the primitive, impulsive taz? this is our country... (thank you, john "cougar" mellencamp)

speaking of which, i am sooo profoundly tired of all this politickin,' doublespeak of which uses the code word of "elitist" for "educated" and/or "urban" and/or "cosmopolitan." i am all these things and gee golly proud of it! and, not only this but all the fuddy duddy "team republican" politicos are extolling the virtues of small-town, middle america and all their caveman, bible-humpin' values. i'll say it, and read the letters in my blog: small town people are RETARDED, middle america is RETARDED and bible humpers are RETARDED. these people and their towns are stagnant; no people enter, none leave and the same can be said for small town ideas *ba dum CHHH!!!* this is the muck and mire of america while our big cities are a babbling brook of clear and lucid ideas of which can be drunk, applied and may even come in handy ten years down the road. why are we dipping into the wheel barrow sludge well when we can get primo, mountain spring water? the sad thing is that the republican politicos are very smart and some are even brilliant but pander to the RETARDS of the country because that's where votes and election victories are born. and, politically, it's smart. why challenge and inspire the forward thinking, educated lot when you can confuse the RETARDS with things that go BOOM and the boogey man and his carpenter son (god and jesus...duh)? hey, small town america, you're an important part of the country but stick to your farming, your manufacturing, your logging, your meth labs and continue going into the military because you can't do anything else and/or can't afford an edumacation while us "elitist" folk sit at the big kid's table, sip lattes and make your decisions for you. we don't want you shaping the future of america no more. and, just for the record, i'm not on "team democrat" either. i'm just a confused, apatheist libertarian who has the gift of gab, blog and a communications degree from an accredited, california state university (go seacocks!)

you know what? i'm on a roll and not done offending people. now, it's time for all of the liberal, feminist chicks out there to get what's coming to them. I hate to break it to you but abortion has NOTHING to do with "your body." first off, let me give you the lowdown of what abortion is: it's a palatable and legal form of population control or, at the very worst, a very ethically and physically sloppy procedure that rids you of something that may or may not be a human being (nobody knows if it's actual life and we never will know, so deal with it). in short, abortion is an ugly and gross option which remedies an even uglier and grosser problem of unwanted children born to poverty and unfit 'rents. okay, back to the whole not about "your body" part. yes ladies, the procedure happens to "your body" and causes emotional and physical pain of which can last a lifetime and is immeasurable but face it; if human babies were laid and hatched as eggs and an abortion was as simple as an egg toss gone wrong at your company picnic there would be NONE, ZERO difference in the way the bible humpers and the feminists look at abortion. we'd just have bumper stickers that said "life begins at egg laying" or "my choice, my egg." the “body” part is just circumstantial; something that pro-choicers can hang their hat on while distracting from the fact that they are "pro-fetuses being vacuumed from your/my womb." wait a second, isn't no abortion better for your body than an abortion? how about this: "my future, my choice, your taxes and... YOUR WELCOME!"

ba dum BLOG!!!


editor's note: i know and i'm sorry but i actually agree with ba dum BLOGer for blogs of late being light on levity and heavy on heft because these are scary times and we are on the cusp of entering twelve straight years of war mongerin’, bible humpin', oil drillin', farm workin', tasmanian devil shirt wearin' mongoloids getting their way and running our country back to the stone age where it's cooler to shoot a moose than to plant a tree, read the bible instead of "he's just not that into you" and/or raise a half-bred/bastard/handicapped baby in lieu of shop vaccing that ball of goo to fetus hell.

13 comments:

John said...

"our big cities are a babbling brook of clear and lucid ideas of which can be drunk, applied and may even come in handy ten years down the road."

And you say Middle America is RETARDED? I've never seen a larger cesspool of disconnected, underachieving, diploma waving layabouts who couldn't tell you how their lattes got to them, than when I was among the throngs of bluetooth-headset wearing douchebags of Los Angeles. I don't want elitists retards or middle america retards running the government. I want someone who can see through both of them for that they are: RETARDS.

oh, and to be fair, I have a CSU degree in communications as well, and it doesn't make me any less of a retard. Thats just my opinion.

On the other hand, I catch your drift about the taz t-shirts. Nothing says class and "appears on COPS regularly" like a sweatshirt featuring tweety bird posed with his arms crossed agressively and a backwards hat that reads "Tough Bird"

ba dum BLOGger said...

geez johnny c., you've got me on the ropes.

my tirade is more of a reflection of the right's insistence on acting like it's bad to be "elitist" all whilst they're stroking these small town bumble f's.

comparatively speaking, wouldn't you rather have latte, blue toofers runnin' the show as opposed to church goin' farmers?

John said...

Sorry Patch, I don't want elitists anymore than I want backwoods dumbasses. There is no lesser of the two evils. The elitist camp runs things from the same perspective as the middle america camp does: 'our way is best'. Quite frankly, elitists don't know what is best for farmers any more than farmers know whats best for computer programming elitists.

I see what you mean about the conservative right's flagrant misuse of "elitist", but the left misuses terms in much the same way when describing their opponents. There shouldn't be a disconnect between these two, their beliefs should be a matter of state's rights, not of federal government. Obama or McCain's position on Abortion or gay marriage should have no effect on California's right to do either, or Mississippi's right to ban either. No, I don't want eltists to run the government, or backwoods retards, I want someone to form an army, control the economy, and stay the F' out of the affairs of states.

ba dum BLOGger said...

i'd just like to see people who have spent more hours in school than in church decide what's what.

just as long as i can marry a gay, aborted fetus then i'm happy.

John said...

I'm with you there. Freedom to shit in your own hand if you want to, thats what matters.

Blog Queen said...

you're funny. I love reading you. Keep up the great posts!!

Lee said...

Sorry Patch, I don't want educated people anymore than I want backwoods dumbasses. There is no lesser of the two evils. The educated people camp runs things from the same perspective as the middle america camp does: 'our way is best'. Quite frankly, educated people don't know what is best for farmers any more than farmers know whats best for computer programming educated people.

I see what you mean about the conservative right's flagrant misuse of "educated people", but the left misuses terms in much the same way when describing their opponents. There shouldn't be a disconnect between these two, their beliefs should be a matter of state's rights, not of federal government. Obama or McCain's position on Abortion or gay marriage should have no effect on California's right to do either, or Mississippi's right to ban either. No, I don't want educated people to run the government, or backwoods retards, I want someone to form an army, control the economy, and stay the F' out of the affairs of states.

ba dum BLOGger said...

well played, lee. i'd rather have someone who's spent more time in classrooms than churches and more time blogging than milking cows deciding what's what.

John said...

What Pat and Lee are presenting is self-righteous bias, and while their opinions are sincere, it's bias none the less, a bias which is made even more blind by the self-righteous tones they back it up with. You are playing into the partisan muck and mire of politics which has plagued democratic systems since their inception, and whether you'd like to admit it or not, you are no better than the bible thumpers you deplore for ignorance.

You hold educated people to be superior in their ability to run government, in this case, that of the United States. Unfortuneately the United States is not made up of people like you, it's made up of a diverse group of people; educated, uneducated, and plenty in between. The purpose of government is to serve the people, and not some of the people, but all of them. To you, science, logic, and education are the soundest of principles for which to judge a person's merit for running a government. You believ that a person, based solely on the time they spent in a classroom is more adept at governing. While I can agree with you, these are important principles for a leader, to label them as superior exhibits your own bias. "Bible Humpers" as you called them exhibit a similar bias to the ideas of morality and faith. They believe that those who live their lives according to moral codes and laws established in faith based systems are far more fit to run a country. TO them, the moral make up of a person, a person's ideas of right and wrong are the superior quality to be found in a leader.

Fact is, you are both wrong, and you can't see it through your own biases!

An "educated" leader might make progressive decisions which favor a more educated lifestyle, one which is "enlightened" or open to newer ideas, however, this country was not established to cater to this lifestyle, it was established to cater to all lifestyles. I see no difference between a conservative forcing their homophobic agenda upon educated people's who are indifferent to homosexuality, than I do to those so called "educated" folks who press their own agenda's of pro homosexuality to those who do not approve. "Bible Humpers" do not recognize the freedom of progressive ideas, but "educated people" do not recognize the freedom to worship and express views openly, another fundamental concept of this country's founding. Conservative's argue that "God Hates Fags" and educated peoples, in their equally infinite wisdom, argue back "Their is no God, and fags rule!" Sounds like a battle between to retarded factions, and who is the victim? It's all or nothing to both of you, they don't want you running the country, and you don't want them running the country, and the fact is, neither of you should. I doubt that I'll get a response to this post, but I'll leave you with one last thought:

I don't trust Barrack Obama and his education any more than I trust Billy Graham and his God. They are both shithead blowhards who don't give a rat's ass about you or me. So buy into whichever talking head spouts the rhetoric you agree with most. I'm tired of bible humpers AND educated hipsters telling me what the fuck is best for me.

ba dum BLOGger said...

right, i agree with the point that both sides should be catered to and heard. however, i also believe in balance and we've had religious retards being catered to for the past eight years and this has left our military exploits a mess, our global reputation a mess, our economy a mess and our country's morality a mess.
and, i'll NEVER be proud to be an american until, at the very least, the majority of the country is secular. and yes, i am biased against religion because, if the world does end before the sun explodes, it will be because of religion and this is with me drawing no distinction between islamic terrorists and christains who drag their kids to church every sunday. anyone who believes that the unknown "heaven/hell" is more important than the now "me blogging/you reading this blog" is the most dangerous and destructive idea in the world.

Lee said...

I most certainly do hold educated people to be superior in their ability to run government. If not educated, the alternative is ignorance. Surely you're not advocating government by the ignorant to be superior to government by the educated?

George Bush didn't know the difference between Sunnis and Shiites before he invaded Iraq. Surely had he been more educated, he would have made a better decision. Instead, he "prayed to god" for guidance. But of course, praying to god is just thinking to yourself and reaffirming what you want to believe in your own head, so "god" told him invading Iraq was a fantastic idea, since it was what 'ole W wanted to do anyway.

The result is the rest of us that are grounded in reality are forced to pay for a trillion dollar war. Nevermind that Bush believes that there's a special spot in heaven reserved just for him for his holy crusade against the evil doers.

Of course, those of us who have been to college knew what a dipshit bush was in 2000, and even the junior college kids had caught on by 2004. Unfortunately, nobody can match the reproductive pace of uneducated midwest christians, so they show up by the million on election day to vote in constitutional ammendments banning boys from kissing, and while they're there, they check the "Bush" box again.

If even half of those people had ever traveled outside of the country, or even spent some time in a big city to meet brown people or gay people or muslim people, or anyone who wasn't just like them, they'd realize there's a whole world out here, and it's not the boogeyman. It has ideas, and nuance, and differences, all of which are very sophisticated and foreign to them.

The problem with small town America is that their worldview is small. In a town of 5000 people, You don't have to be very bright to be the brightest guy you know. So these people think they have it all figured out, and that they're qualified to make the determination that Bush is in fact looking out for them. But of course he's not. He's seen the largest growth in the gap between the rich and the poor in modern history. Bush has been terrible for the lower and middle class of America. Clinton was one of the best presidents for this demographic. But then he sinned. You see the problem here?

John said...

Ok, so I'm really enjoying myself here. BaDum Blog is the shiznit for open debate. That should be a tag line. Despite what might be said, it is nice to have an educated conversation with people, that much is true. Anyway, on to Lee's response, this was well crafted indeed.

You seem to be arguing for intelligence in government, an issue I have never disagreed with. However, you state soon afterward that George Bush is apparently the paramount of the uneducated element in Government which you despise "Surely had he been more educated, he would have made a better decision". Sadly, George Bush is extremely educated, more so than you or I. A BA from Yale and a MBA from Harvard Business School, that sounds pretty fucking educated to me. So if this person, Bush, is supposedly flawed and stuck in his faith, and at the same time uneducated, and yet has attended what most would agree are two most prominent Universities in the United States (and arguably the world), what does that say about education? It says that even the most educated, elite, and cosmopolitan (he was born in New Haven, raised in Houston, hardly small towns) leader can be a total fuck up. If you argue that Bush was dumb and uneducated regardless of where he attended college, than that also negates the entire university system! If uneducated idiots can attend Yale/Harvard than that casts into doubt the educations of everyone in lesser Universities as well (that’s you and I). Sounds like chinks in education's armor are appearing.

Lee also said: "The result is the rest of us that are grounded in reality are forced to pay for a trillion dollar war." Did you vote? I'll assume you did, I did not, however. Did the voting results not come out as you would have liked? Then I suppose the system that you support, the one that was run and conceived by educated people, is also flawed. So, one of the most literate, educated, countries in the world, using their system of election conceived in higher education, elected a Yale/Harvard man, and yet still, it failed us. Gee, I sure wish some educated people would come swoop in and save us from the mess they put us in, they seem to have all the best ideas (/sarcasm). That’s what I meant when I said I didn't want educated hipsters making decisions for me anymore than I'd want bible humpers (I'm really starting to like this term Pat).

You said "Of course, those of us who have been to college knew what a dipshit bush was in 2000, and even the junior college kids had caught on by 2004. Unfortunately, nobody can match the reproductive pace of uneducated Midwest Christians, so they show up by the million on Election Day to vote in constitutional amendments banning boys from kissing, and while they're there, they check the "Bush" box again." - Guess you are waking up to the cold reality of a two party system of democratically elected government, you are also realizing just what "majority" really means. It means, like it or not, these backwoods, bible humping, small town folk outnumber you and your educated friends, or at least vote more than you fellas do. I think that says more about the failures in the "educated" group than it does about the ignorance of Middle America. You wave your diplomas and shout from your blogs, and yet, nothing seems to be working like the ability to show up to the polls. You'd think educated people would figure that one out already. Guess all those. college kids have Guitar Hero to play instead of voting (incidentally I was playing GTA III during the 04 vote)

Lee said "...to make the determination that Bush is in fact looking out for them. But of course he's not." So Lee, what was the alternative? John Kerry? Al Gore? At best, Ralph Nader? Did you think any of them truly had you or I in mind? Do you think they honestly cared about you or me? That’s the problem of the so-called "educated", they also have blind faith which distorts their world view. You think Obama, or any other politician is going to save us? Why not just pray to God? The result will be the same: you will be let down. You’ve got to realize that you, if you voted, and every other person who voted, regardless of for whom, thought they knew what was best, and thought they were picking someone who knew what was best for them. Hitler won power in an election as well, I suppose a lot of people thought he knew what was best for them too. Fact is, Hitler did have what was best for a lot of people in mind, but as we all know, he didn't have everyone's interests in mind as well.

Finally, my favorite portion of Lee's last response was "So these people think they have it all figured out,". Yeah, I've never seen an educated left leaning douche bag pontificate like he also had it all figured out. Oh wait, that appears to be all I ever hear out of them. See Lee, that’s the issue I've been driving at, both sides of this think they have it all figured out, and both sides don't think they need the other, when in fact, it's an issue of the country being divided along such idiotic lines that they can't see the real issues. The political machine has turned you against "middle America" the same way it's turned Middle America against you. Why? Because divided along such lines makes it so easier to conquer you. One side can appeal to a broad collection of religious conservatives, the other can appeal to broad selection of intellectual liberals, when in fact, our political views differ so greatly that it's the parties from which we have to choose which should be broad and numerous. Instead, you've been convinced that they are out to destroy and limit your deepest liberal values, and in turn they are convinced your plot in life is to destroy theirs. So who gives a shit if they want to kneel down and pray? Does that make them any dumber than someone who watches "Lost" or "House" or "Prison Break" religiously? They use prayer to tune out reality, you use pop culture, you both tune out reality in favor of a form of stupor. Neither of you are wrong for it, and to be honest, I've done both, and I fucking hate church (consequently I also hate Lost). The point is, you've found your own path in life outside of faith, but it doesn't make you perfect or lacking in flaws, they've kept faith, but it's not a mark of their ignorance, it's more a mark of their inner fears (an entirely different subject). Your fears drive you to similar ends, they just aren't as easy to pick apart. Look around you as you go about your daily life, no doubt you engage in ignorant activities which appear both uneducated, and ignorant, activities driven by fears and uncertainties, you just don't do it from inside a church where it's easy to see that ignorance.

Don't you see that we are all human, we all share essentially the same desires in life, and yet we've allowed a system that was supposed to work for us to work against us. So we trudge to the polls and tick one of two boxes so we can prance around for the next four years and complain? WTF? Look at an election from England, France, Sweden, or another similarly developed and educated country and notice the massive amounts of political parties that not only exist but win elections(Green, Labour, Socialist, Christian Democrat, etc). Notice that it's not red vs blue, republican vs democrat, God Lovers vs Atheists. You are playing into this hand of division just as much as anyone else. Stop trying to fight against the best interests of everyone, isn't that the message you've been trying to send to Middle America this whole time? If so, why are you fighting them back in the same manner? Conservatism? Liberalism? What about humanism? Is your hatred for them so strong? Does their belief system frighten you that much? If so, what fears of your own might be clouding your judgment as it has clouded theirs?

"Only where the state ends, there begins the human being who is not superfluous..." - Nietzsche

ba dum BLOGger said...

great job!!! both of you guys!!! although, it does suck to be outdone by mere "commenters" who don't even blog :(
btw john, it's spelled "nitschke" and i'm not sure how smart it is to quote the late, great green bay packers hall of fame middle linebacker in an intellectual discussion.