Tuesday, September 23, 2008

futblog americano

do professional athletes wear deodorant? heck, i wouldn't. i think the best offense is an offensive odor. this strategy would probably work best in basketball since you're indoors and are bumpin' and grindin' (thank you, r. kelly) in a smaller, more confined and, dare i say, more intimate space. football and rugby would work too i guess; especially on the lines of scrimmages, piles and scrums. however, this may present problems in the huddle - maybe that's why donovan mcnabb was vomiting in the super bowl. but i would definitely do this and i wouldn't stop at just merely not deodorizing myself. perhaps, i'd bathe myself in a bleu cheese and sulfur cocktail, leave my jersey in a smokers lounge, eat some garlic fries and/or step in some doggy doo doo. just think of the psychological and physical advantages this would give me. would anyone be able to bring themselves to play tight d on me, box me out or post me up? i wonder if this would even be legal or if they'd create some rule because they were tired of cleaning the puke off the court. also imagine all the great nicknames that could be had like "stinky pete," "foul freddy," "hank the stank," "latrell the smell" or, if the whole team employed this, "the stenchmen." shoot, all i know is that if they threw some namby pamby zones at me to combat the stank that i'd bust that shizz with some smoove j's, yo!

we need to get rid of extra points in football. or, give them the appropriate nomenclature of "superfluous points," "redundant points" or, simply put, "a joke." futbol americano is undoubtedly the most perfect, seamless and well oiled machine we have here in the usofa. heck, i'd even contend that it's art and better than porno movies. and why is this so? it's because of the drama and that nobody really knows what's going to happen but, at the same time, completely obsessed with what will and could happen - hence gambling, fantasy and just simply watching the games (i literally watched nine hours straight on sunday - literally). then why is there a key, point earning component to the game that has a success rate of 99.7%? there is no room for "gimmes" in football. sure, we have the alternative point after option of the two-point conversion but coaches only choose this option 1% of the time and chiefly occurs in moments of desperation rather than in moxy and/or hubris (thank you, mike shanahan). the two-point conversion is good; how about we just eliminate the extra-point in lieu of this? some would agree with this, but the drama of choice and risk in deciding which point after method you'd employ is an integral part of it all. not to mention, it'd just seem redundant and confusing to see all these two-point conversions after five yard touchdowns. how about the extra point is moved back to a 30 or 40 yard kick? then, this would also be weird because a 20 yard field goal would be worth the standard three points while a 30 or 40 yard extra point would be only the one point. so, i say this: make the extra point 30 yards and eliminate the option of field goals under 30 yards and thus making the new red zone begin at the 30 yard line and renaming it the "four down zone." how say you?

ba dum BLOG!!!

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