live blogging of the first 45 mins. of the emmys

holy crap, i'm live blogging the prime time emmys which are brought to you by the academy of television arts and sciences. this just may be the least compelling blog i have ever blogged but i think this is something that real life bloggers do and when in the blogosphere, blog as the bloggers blog. this task won't only challenge me mentally but physically, as well. see, i'm already mentally tv'd out from watching nine straight hours of football and now i'm tacking on three more hours of emmy fun for twelve straight hours of tv - holy mackerel! not to mention, i only blog with one finger and am not sure i'm physically up to snuff to physically keep up with all the emmy comings and goings in a live fashion. so here we is: the emmys, live blogged by ba dum BLOGer at www.badumblog.blogspot.com - tell your friends!

*blogged earlier this evening*

800pm
- okay, some little montagey type thing with all these tv people saying silly quotes from famous tv shows and, incidentally, just ripped off my opening line of "holy crap" over and over again.
-here's oprah in a flowing red dress blowing hard and welcoming us to the show. and now she's quoting groucho marx about how educational television is: "whenever someone turns on the television, i leave the room and open a book." amazing, she's actually quoting someone other than another black person (racist?).
- ugh, the emmy's are being hosted by all the hosts who are nominated for best hosts in a reality show - howie mandel, jeff probst, ryan seacrest, heidi klum (eat it, tyra!) and tom bergeron.
- heidi klum is taller than all of them and wearing a suit.
- howie just made a sarah palin joke in reference to them having nothing to say. win or lose, sarah palin will go down as the biggest celebrity of 2008. - their bit is that they have nothing to say nor is anything loaded in the prompter (cop out). bergeron and klum are completely silent because they have the least talent.
- oh, that was the joke. it's their network (abc) so they're the ones speaking now. hah, klum made a joke about howie being a hypochondriac.
- they just brought up bill shatner on stage to bail them out and they ripped off klum's tux to reveal a sexy little black number (sexist).
- tina fey and a very pregnant amy pohler have just stepped on stage to say "hi" to all the other countries watching the show. they're both hot and funny... unlike me. amy pohler is also very tan which i didn't know was allowed... you know, to go into a tanning booth when preggers.
- oh, they're announcing the best male supprting actor in a comedy series. it's between jon cryer (gay), kevin dillon (cool), nph (gay), jeremy piven (hair plugs) and someone else i wasn't fast enough to type.
- piven wins! good for him, i guess. he reminds me of a less cool, less talented bob downey jr. without the sense of humour and good head of hair. piven is struggling in his acceptance speech and just made a ridiculous joke about being a roofer that bombed, which he acknowledged and then went on to make fun of the rambling, awkward opening from the four hosts.
- twelve minutes in, a commercial break and i don't think i can do this. i thought i'd have room for a lot more tangents and digressions but i've turned into stenographer with more typos per minute than words.

816pm
- bergeron and seacrest are sitting in the "seinfeld" diner and they show the scene from "the contest" (you know, the masturbation one) where they lay out the groundwork for... the contest. classic, i think larry david won an emmy for writing this episode.
- out comes julia louis-dreyfus. she kind of has a witch face buit she's still hot.
- oh, she's announcing best supporting actress in a comedy series (i need to quit being surprised by this). the noms are kristen chenowith (buxom) amy poheler (never seen anyone nominated from snl before), jean smart (who?), holland someone (who), vanessa williams (seen her naked in penthouse). jean smart wins from "samantha who?"... jean smart who??? lolzzz
- gotta take a crap.
- wow, my crap break was the exact same length (time wise) as jean smart's acceptance speech.
- i always though "samantha who?" was about an asian chick (you know, like samantha "hu") but i guess christina applegate is "samantha."

825pm
- probst and klum are talking about chicks and this segues into an awkward kiss betwixt the two... and now a clip from "desperate housewives."
- i've never seen this show. oh boy, all the sluts from wisteria lane are here. i think the only hot one is eva longoria.
- oh, they're announcing supporting actor in a drama. the noms are ted danson (hair peice), michael emmerson (creepy), zeljko ivanek (who), bill shatner (yawn) and john slattery (prematurely gray).
- zeljko ivanek wins! who???? for some show called "damages" what??? why didn't john slattery or michael emmerson win? at least i watch their shows ("mad men" and "lost," respectively).
- ricky gervais is on... YESSSS!!!! he has easily got to be the most talented person in the theater. gosh, he's funny. the brits just get it. he just introduced a montage of "funny" acceptance speeches. lolzzzz... NOT!!! show more gervais!!!
- nice!!! gervais is ripping steve carrell who has unserendipitously (i actually spelled this right the first time, thank you) ruined the character gervais serendipitously created in the british office. really, the british office is to the nba as the american one is to the wnba. i don't know how anyone can watch it after first watching the british one. i do really like the dawn character of pam in the american one though. she's soooooo hot
- i love her. i wonder if she's at the emmys.

841pm
- i give up. i'll never be a real blogger. i just can't type fast enough to interject all the things that make me an okay blogger instead of a horrible stenographer.
- besides, j-lo hewitt and hayden panetierre just came on so i'll need some time to myself.

900pm
- so, there you have it: the first 45 minutes of the emmys live blogged at www.badumblog.blogspot.com by ba dum BLOGger.
- i am a n00b, i have failed... pwn3d.
- i need a cigarette.
- even though i'm posting the blog on sunday night, this still counts as my first blog for the one day a blog era.

ba dum BLOG!!!