i love the blogs: blogs back

the olympics are coming!!! woohooo... NOT!!! really, who watches the olympics? all the olympics are is a collection of sporting events that nobody, i mean NOBODY, cares about and then we're expected to tune in every four years all in the name of patriotism? like i've said before, i like america and am glad to have been born here but you won't see me waving the american flag or crying during the national anthem. being born an american is just as random as being born an albino, an alligator or, appropriately enough, an albino alligator. besides, why should i root for america? america is like that perfect guy in high school who was the star of the football team, got straight a's, got all the hot chicks and, ultimately, was a big fat jerk. you don't root for that guy. you have nothing in common with that guy. you don't want to see him succeed. you are jealous of this guy. in fact, you are filled with hypocritical glee when you see him lose the high school championship game to the rival team filled with their own collection of perfect jerks (ccs playoffs, hollister def. palma, best night of my hs life). that's why i've decided i'm hitching my train to jolly ol' england for the olympic games: brits are squirrelly looking, have bad teeth, have great command of the queen's english, can't cook, have horrible complexions, have fantastic senses of humour and can't cook... just like me - ba dum BLOGger!

video hits one (vh1) just came out with "i love the new millennium" which is in the same ilk as vh1's "i love the '70s," "i love the '70s: volume 2," "i love the '80s," "i love the '80s strikes back," "i love the '80s 3-d," "i love the 90's" and "i love the '90s: part deux." now, first and foremost, it should not be "i love the new millennium;" it should be "i love the oughts." that was the thing i was most looking forward to amongst all the y2k/y2j (thank you, chris jericho) end of the world poppycock; we were entering the "oughts!" we could've had cool monikers like "the oughts generation," "children of the oughts," "the ostentatious oughts" and so on. but noooo, we have lame things like "the new millennium" (which generically includes everything from 2000 -2099), "the 'thousands" and "o-1, o-2, etc." secondly, can you say "tooo sooooon!!!" aren't these shows' success based on the nostalgic warm and fuzzies? i'm sorry, i don't get the same emotions welling up inside my vein watching michael ian black "remember" youtube, "jackass" and katherine harris in the same vain as when i see hal sparks waxing poetic on lite-brite, billy ocean and "b.j. and the bear." we oughtn't have ought to got "i love the oughts" till about 2023.

i've never had the home box office (hbo) so i very much like catching up on all the tv shows i've never seen through netflix. hbo shows are just better than anything else on network television. not only are the storylines, production value and acting mo' betta' but you also have swearing and nudity. you haven't watched tv until you have the prospect of a gratuitous boobie waiting in the wings. although, i must say that if you've watched any hbo show you realize that like 75% of the show's total nudity occurs in the very first episode; they hook you with boobies and string you along the rest of the way with f' bombs and vomiting. yes, vomiting!!! anyone notice that? there's probably more spontaneous, graphic vomiting on hbo shows than the boobies and f' bombs combined. can you imagine how much greater a show like "lost" would be if kate ever slipped a nip, if jack ever called mr. ecko an n' word and/or if hurley vomited because the dharma ranch had gone bad? anyway, i digressed from what i originally wanted to blog about. i'm watching "six feet under" right now (you know, it's about a family-run funeral home) and now i'm super freaked out about dying since they have at least one person die in every episode. they don't just die in their sleep or of cancer either; there'll be drunken slipping in shower deaths, falling blue ice from airplanes deaths, choking on cereal deaths, etc. i am going to die, you are going to die and it can happen anytime anywhere. someone just died TEN MINUTES AGO, someone is dying RIGHT NOW and someone will die FIVE MINUTES FROM NOW!!! who will blog my blogs when i'm dead? :(

a common and popular misconception is that it's worse to talk ish behind someone's back rather than say that same ish to someone's face. you ask a million people what's worse and they'll all blindly say the former is worse... how do they figure? sure, there's the off chance that the person will find out the ish you dished behind their back but think about it; how often has that happened in your life? i dish a bevy of ish everyday and i can barely count on one hand the times it's come back to bite me on the arse. i can't remember many times when i've been told of others ishing dish behind my back either. however, if you do it to someone's face, they're going to hear it for sure... unless they're deaf or blind (you can blame it on someone else). speaking of which, can you imagine the awful things people must have said behind hellen keller's back? sheeesh! think about all the friends you've made, all the conversations fostered and all the laughter had based solely upon talking ish behind peoples' backs. friends, conversation and laughter are all good things!!! and, these things happen at an exponentially, disproportionately higher rate in comparison to getting called out on what you might've said about somebody behind their back. so, keep on dishin' that ish'... it's a good thing!

ba dum BLOG!!!