Wednesday, July 30, 2008

blog of power

this is an ode to a scenario a pal and i used to act out back in the day so please, overlook the lack of timeliness. okay, remember back to when we (the usofa) found saddam hussein hiding in that "spider hole?" well, couple that with the underreported fact that saddam was given the key to detroit in 1980 for making a huge donation to some local church and you've got all the ingredients for a hi-larious situation... and maybe even a moving picture! just imagine the troops descending upon saddam's squalid little hole only to find him all balled up in the fetal position, desperately clutching something to his chest. the soldiers raise their guns and start screaming at him to drop whatever he's holding. saddam slowly stands up and raises that key like he-man raises his "sword of power" and bellows "by the power of detroit city... I HAVE THE POWER!!!" the soldiers all lower their weapons, take a step back in shock, awe and confusion as their faces are drenched with the golden glare from the key and they mutter to themselves "bollocks! he's got the key to detroit city... now what?" then the title screen drops and the iraqi folk music rocks: "the sultan of detroit city." and. with this, we've got ourselves the funniest moving picture of all-time. just think "austin powers" with saddam in a fish out of water type farce where he must acclimate himself to american culture as he learns to temper his fascist ways and, in doing so, falls in love with america, and us with him... as the magical key of detroit city unlocks all of our hearts.

los angeles was rocked by a 5.4, 5.6 and/or 5.8 earthquake yesterday and, as with most natural disasters, all people care about is calling their loved ones, worrying about damage, injuries, plate tectonics, blah, blah, blah, boo, hoo hooooooo. me? i didn't care about none of that. all i knew was that this was going to provide an excellent opportunity to engage in the art of conversation with people i would otherwise not have enough game to do so with. first, we all get ushered outside our building at work (which apparently is the WORSE thing to do during an earthquake) and, while outside, i see some nice young ladies crying so i hugged them and "accidentally" felt them up. then, later on in the workday, i was in an elevator with this attractive lady i always see around the office but am always too scared to talk to so i said "so, how about that earthquake?" yada, yada, yada... i now have a pair of panties in the bottom drawer of my desk and also need to find a new job. then, after work i had to go to the bank to get a couple rolls of quarters for laundry and found myself in line behind an attractive lady and i say "so, how about that earthquake?" yada, yada, yada... i can't find one of my rolls of quarters and my laundry is still dirty. lastly, i had to return my rental car to the rental place and i said to the dude at the desk "so, how about that earthquake?" yada, yada, yada... my bum "hertz."

ba dum BLOG!!!

1 comment:

John said...

Ah yes, fire drills at work are the only time you get to mingle with ALL the ladies at work, plus everyone is in a hightened state, which makes for easy conversation.

I liked the way you fit anal sex in at the end. (in my best Chedwick voice) Oh, in the end, oh!