Wednesday, August 6, 2008

bloghood of the traveling blogs 2

christina applegate was just diagnosed with the breast cancer, but luckily, it was detected early enough where it aint no thang. now, this is going to be horrible but this is what the ba dum BLOG!!! is for - a place where all of ba dum BLOGger's awful thoughts come to roost; sans filter, sans apologies and sans correct punctuation/grammar. now, there has to be some sort of correlation betwixt hot chicks and early breast cancer detection. not just from their bfs, husbands and little brothers grabbing their boobies and kneading them like dough all the time either. but mostly because hot chicks are way more comfortable with their bodies and, thus feel themselves up more often, walk around naked more often and are just more familiar with their bodies in general. face it, ugly people with dumpy bodies just aren't as in tune with all the nooks and crannies of their flesh pods... and why should they be? it's depressing to acknowledge and constantly be reminded of all your flaws and failures. face it, groping your own two tube socks filled with mashed potatoes is akin to reaching into a chum bucket and grabbing a sloppy fistful of chum ("fistful of chum:" good name for a band). moral to the story - hot chicks: feel your boobies and let people feel your boobies with extreme prejudice. ugly, dumpy chicks: get hot so you can accrue the self-esteem to feel your boobies without becoming depressed so you don't die of cancer.

"honour" is one of those things where no good can or ever does come from. watch any movie with any sort of asian or kung fu and all they're ever blabbin' about is "honour this" and "honour that.." and, when it's all said and done, about half the cast ends up dead because someone took a crap on someone else's precious honour. actually, you could probably substitute respect/disrespect from any gangster/gangsta' (italian/black) moving picture and have the same blog. be that as it may (and it may!), i'll stick to honour because i like spelling it in the queen's english to offend all you american cowboys. what it is though is that these people just take themselves too seriously. fine, someone stole your gf or took a dump on your porch... big deal. is it worth beating someone up, getting beat up, killing and/or getting killed over? yet, as these mongoloids rot in their bamboo jail cells or one of their kung fu buddies eulogizes them at their funerals, they'll inevitably fall back on, "at least i/he still have/has my/their honour." yuck, give me my crappy life with no honour and friends who like me instead of fearing me.

"the sisterhood of the traveling pants 2" just dropped and i will give a thorough analysis in regards to which of the young ladies of tsottp2 i wouldn't mind dropping my pants for, getting into their pants and traveling in them.
alexis bledel: i definitely think this girl is the cutest of the bunch and, in the eyes of ba dum BLOGger, cutest equals hottest. i don't really know much about her other than she was a gillmore girl in the eponymously titled "gillmore girls." and, this was one of those shows that glorifies girls being slutty and having lots of sexual intercourse without contraceptives all while dressing it up as girls being free and uninhibited in a very healthy, feminist, family values sort of way.
america ferrera: i'm usually not one for chubby mexican chicks with whom the media is enamored with and labels as "healthy" when, even after dropping 20 lbs., is still about 10-15 lbs. overweight. however, through all that, america is actually is pretty hot... against all odds, she is pulling off squatty mexican chick! plus, she's the most famous of the bunch and is the ugly betty of "ugly betty."
blake lively: now, i didn't even know this chick was in the first one and am not even sure if she was even part of the original "sisterhood" or if they're just capitalizing on her "gossip girl" fame. omfg! either way, she's a hot, leggy blonde; no denying that. however, nothing bores me more than a "hot, leggy blonde" with no discernable features. i don't mind blondes, per se, but i'm more of a gwyneth paltrow kind of guy because she at least has some character in her face - a goofy smile and a nose you can hang your previously dropped pants on.
amber tamblyn: i'll tell you right now, this chick just doesn't do it for me. i mean, in real life i'd probably date her and marry her but not in make beleive, i've got something to say, blog world. she has a weak chin and a skinny fat girl body. it's weird, i would venture to guess that ugly betty has a firmer body than amber tamblyn. plus, she was the star of "joan of arcadia." any show that glorifies hot chicks talking to make believe wizards in the sky just gives more excuses for them not to talk to me.
the winner (or loser, depending how you look at it): ugly betty!!! no, not america ferrera; ugly betty. yes, she'd have to wear the braces, glasses and chub it up a little. before anything else, i am a blogger of novelty and there is nothing more novel than traveling in ugly betty's lane bryant bloomers. however, i may still belt out a “i’m coming in and/or on america!”

bad um BLOG!!!
editor's note: yes, this blog has a decidedly chauvanistic/jerky bent to it but methinks this wouldn't be the case if girls weren't always so mean to ba dum BLOGger all the time :(


John said...

When you said "two tube socks filled with mashed potatoes" did you mean "cue ball in a burlap sack?"

Krista said...

I've always told myself that one good reason for having small boobs is that I'll be able to feel any pesky cancerous lumps should they appear. Take that big-boobied bettys! And i had mashed potatos for lunch. They were amazing. Does having a boob in your mouth taste as good as having mp's in there?

ba dum BLOGger said...

nah, boobies don't taste like anything. it's more of a novelty or like the "sweet smell of success"... while success doesn't literally smell like anything its sweetness cannot be denied.