Wednesday, July 16, 2008

minced blog

everything is "random" now... random this and random that. all events occurring that can't be rightly explained or weren't expected have all been labeled as randomness. which is okay, i guess, but the word is just becoming played out. especially since the casual banality in the over usage of "randomness" is in direct opposition to the very definition and essence of the word itself. the use of "random" is not random anymore - it's expected, explained and occurring with extreme prejudice. an irony like this hasn't been as surreptitiously in your face since mcdonald's created the grimace who has never once been caught grimacing. in fact, his empty stare and fly catching, syndrome-of-the-downs-esque trap is the exact antithesis of a grimace. so, if you were looking for a word to explain and rightly capture the awkward and unforeseen transition from "random" to "grimace" you might want to call it "capricious," "haphazard," and/or "wanton"... not to be confused with "won ton," a chinese dumpling commonly filled with minced pork - RANDOM!!!

sometimes i'll just stare at people's faces, inevitably creep them out, but more importantly, i'll break down and study their dimensions and features and, in doing so, i realise how little margin for error we really have when it comes to being attractive. and, as all of us average to below average (ugly) guys and gals know, unattractiveness is quite the inconvenience and handicap. now, i hardly feel i'm breaking new ground here (why start now?), but we all like attractive people better; we just do. sure, there's something to be said for being the man with one eye in the land of the blind but who wants to work at the dmv, ride the bus or move to the midwest when we can watch "the hills," go to hannah montana concerts and go on holiday to cancun? what i'm really saying though is that just a centi-millimeter of a tweak to the turn of the nose, the position of the cheekbones or the protrusion of the chin can make a world of difference. really though - a centi-millimeter! i guess what i'm really trying to blog is that i'm just bitter at how i can be infinitely nicer, always funnier, indubitably more interesting and a waaaaaay better blogger than the next guy but since my jaw is a little too wide, my brow a teeny bit low and my hairline a smidgen high i won't get that neat job, i won't get to second base with that hot chick and i won't get to high-five the cool dude with a faux hawk. hey, i'm just as guilty though; you don't see me going to see "wanted" with any morbidly obese fanboys or boofing any ugly, fat girls... often.

two things i've never indulged in and never will indulge in are smoothies and snowboarding. i'll just about try or do anything but not smoothies or snowboarding. i mean, you can't just try anything and do everything just because it's there and everyone else is doing it, right? really though, both smoothies and snowboarding just came out of nowhere sometime during my formative years ('95-'98ish?) and people went wild for them then and people are still gaga over them now. maybe i would've went for it if i had the foresight to see their longevity but i had just been burned by pogs and "the mighty morphin' power rangers" and it was too soon - TOO SOON! sure, i could try a smoothie or go snowboarding but what if i didn't like them? or, even worse, what if i DID like them? then i'd be compelled to patronize every "jamba juice" and/or schlep up to big b'ar every winter weekend. i was perfectly happy and satisfied before smoothies and snowboarding hit the scene so why change? besides, the way i see it, i'm already firmly set with my junk food/recreational vices of taco bell and disneyland.

ba dum BLOG!!!

1 comment:

Lee said...

I can't stand "random". People use it like it qualifies their lame-ass story about their life. "Wanna hear something random that happened to me today?" No, I don't. Tell me something interesting that happened to you or STFU.