Monday, July 28, 2008

blog hardy

have you seen that show on the lifetime channel called "how to look good naked?" me neither, but i'm blogging on it anyway. basically, they round up a bunch of beached leviathans, cover up their blow holes and, through the magic of smoke, mirrors and self-esteem, they learn them how to feel like they look good naked as opposed to actually looking good naked. first off, let's look good clothed before we look good naked. let's not put the proverbial cart before the proverbial horse. i'm not throwing internet stones from my glass blog either; i don't look good clothed or naked but no one's gonna' care what you look like naked unless they like what you look like clothed. no one looks at some chub club and says to himself, "hmmm, she's no picnic clothed but there's a fair chance she'll improve once the clothes come off." secondly, if we like you enough clothed to actually get you naked, chances are you'll turn out the lights anyway. there, "how to look good naked": turn out the lights. last of all, they have a super fruity, gay dude hosting the show. yes, let's trust the credibility of a homosexual to tell these chub clubs when it's safe to drop the tarps. if you really want to make this show work, have some chauvinistic, dirt bag tell you when and if you look good naked.

if fashion can jump the shark then the ed hardy clothing line has officially done so. admittedly, i don't know much about ed hardy and his eponymous clothing line but his t-shirts are the brightly coloured ones with bedazzled tigers eating bedazzled skulls with bedazzled snakes slithering through the skull's bedazzled eye sockets. i accidentally wandered into one of his stores about a year ago and all the shirts were like a $100. yes, ed hardy is the official clothing line for douchebag poseurs and you can't roll through hollywood without seeing at least twenty line bearded dude bra's rockin' their ed hardy t-shirts, with matching ed hardy trucker hats while drinking their ed hardy energy drinks which contains bedazzled tiger semen from tibet. yes, ed hardy has a line of energy drinks. even then, a bunch of elitist poseur, wannabe cast of "entourage" douchebags aren't enough to jump the bedazzled shark alone... oh no. i knew ed hardy had officially jumped the shark when i saw a bunch of twelve-year-old mexican kids with their widow peaked, bedazzled faux hawks running around the galleria in their ed hardy wear. how did this happen? since when can twelve-year-old mexican kids afford $100 t-shirts? i'll tell you how; ed hardy must've decided to go on the cheap and has released an el-cheapo line which will first infiltrate the junior highs, the high schools and then dorky white guys like me will realize that they too can now afford ed hardy wear and the world will be overcome by an army of bedazzled, poseur douchebags.

ba dum BLOG!!!
editor's note: per the ed hardy bit: when dorky bloggers can't fit in they make fun of those who try and do fit in.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

They have ed hardy at TJMaxx now. That's where mexicans shop.