Thursday, May 8, 2008

ba dum BLOGger jr.

this is exciting times for us here at the home office of ba dum BLOG!!!. one of my idiotic ideas is actually coming to fruition. do you remember way back when when (double "whens?") i blogged about creating an american idolesque show that revolved around writing and performing commercial jingles? so, guess what genius reality tv giant, mark burnett, is coming out with this summer. TA DAAA!!! how cool is that??? (thank you, bill walton) we here at ba dum BLOG!!! do not currently plan to press charges however, if dave coulier, the girl and/or howard brown are cast as judges, mark burnett should expect a serious shizzz storm.
my show
mark burnett's show

another ba dum BLOG!!! post-modern flashback/update!!! saw "iron man," solid movie, not great... but they managed to use the most cliche/lame-o action shot in the world. yes, the hero's casual, unflinching walk away from and explosion. remember when i blogged about this??? i hope you appreciate all the memory laning in this blog; i'm just making sure that you know that i know that you know how relevant and timeless my blogging is. oh, on a semi-related note, is there a pedagogical reason in the english language for the way superheroes utilize the surname "man?" for example, we have "superman," "iron man" and "
the 'xplosion
(also note all the fanboys' comments of how "coool" it is - lolzzz)
original 'xplosion

i remember back in high school my pals and i thought it would be hilarious if a computer virus was created called the "tom brokaw is gay" virus. this was back when "gay humour" was the end all and be all of our comedy lives. ("back when"...HAH!) oh, and also back when tom brokaw was still nbc's nightly news anchor - obviously. what if the virus was HUGE like the "michelangelo" virus or the "i love you" virus - these were all over the news. how would tom brokaw approach this? would he raise his hands and use "air quotes," say "whose name will remain nameless is gay" virus or would he suck it up (pun INTENDED) and roll with it? i tend to think he'd suck it up (pardon the pun), clear his throat, roll his eyes and be a pro about it because he's from north dakota and that's how north dakotians do.

when i have a son i will forbid him from ever throwing a football, catching a football, running with a football and/or sitting on a football (because, as we all learned in football practice - the football is not a chair, or was it the helmet that wasn't a chair?) is this because i'm worried about my son getting hurt or because i'm a jon lithgowian, "footloose"-esque, religious control freak (you know, because he made dancing illegal...) no, it's because my son is going to be the greatest kicker/punter in the history of the national football league (because it's illegal to simply call it the nfl). move aside ray guy, sorry morten andersen; ba dum BLOGger jr. will be the next great leg. why should he waste his time running, throwing, catching and tackling? only genetic freaks can make it in the national football league nowadays and, because of injuries and general suckiness, the average career is like two years. also, teams waste two roster spots on a kicker and a punter while my boy will do both. i think this new, super-hybrid position will be called a "kunter" or "picker."

ba dum BLOG!!!


Chucklyn said...

HA! Spoken like the true-blue-ba-dum-BLOGGER you is. (you be?)

ba dum BLOGGER Jr has my vote for the starting roster. And by the time he's ready to kick rocket-lazer field goals from his own end zone, there will be at least two more national football league expansion teams.

Fifty Simoleons says at least one of these will be the next expansion team:

Pink Unicorns - San Francisco
The White Breads - Mayo, FL
The Supermans - Krypton, KY
The Infant Murderers - Slaughter, LA
The Happy Flappers - Gay, MI
Over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders - Jugtown, PA
Frenemies - Friendship, TX

Mark my words. That's why I'm tossing this prediction in with your Negrodamus-esque predictions from this post.

We shall prevail!

Krista said...

Kunter. That is an amazing word. I'm gonna call my sister that when I get home.