Friday, May 2, 2008

blogletting

do any of you people work in an office? well i do and there are three conversations i must inevitably indulge in - over and over again; on mondays it's of the "happy monday!" variety, tuesday through thursday it's any variation of "is it friday, yet?" and on fridays we get the tried and true "thank god it's friday (tgif - lolzzzzz)!" yes, this is the best these corporate, intellectual heavyweights can come up with. i really shouldn't be so annoyed by this because even a great conversationalist like myself can be prone to such banal banter. i really think it's merely a product of running into that guy in the hall you barely know, but have nothing to say to and don't want to be rude so you diffuse the awkwardness by creating some false comeraderie with a "ughhhh, it's monday..." although, i'm very cognizant of this and really, really make a concerted effort not fall prey to the doldrums that is the monday/tuesday through friday loquations.

what's going on with goat cheese? why don't we call regular cheese "cow cheese?" can there be cheddar, bleu and/or monterey jack goat cheese? how about gouda goat cheese? (comedy 101: alliteration = lolzzz) the implications of goat cheese are kinda' disturbing as well. since the cheese isn't identified by traditional cheese nomenclature, are we to assume that the flavor is "goat?" yuck! how about breast milk? can we make cheese out of breast milk? would it be "breast cheese," human cheese" or "tit cheese." i like "tit cheese" because it's provocative. i think a nice provocative "tit cheese" would go well with some red wine and the novelty "boobie pasta" you can get at "spencer's." woah, i just realized that "spencer's" the store and spencer from "the hills" have a lot in common. i'll let you make the connection while i revel in the genius that is stream on consciencing from "goat cheese" to "spencer pratt."

look, i have no problem with the marijuana and would vote for its legalization - if i voted. i even went through the obligatory, short lived pot phase in college when i was trying to find myself. and now, i'll even puff the pipe and/or blow the bong from time to time but now it makes me incredibly weird(er) so i try to avoid it. anyway, with pot being illegal, i don't get how things like "high times" can exist or why celebrities feel so free to wax poetic on it in all sorts of media. isn't a publication like "high times" akin to hypothetical periodicals which glorify other illegalities such as "juicy jimbo" (steroids), "peach fuzz illustrated" (pedophilia) and/or "bleeders digest" (bloodletting)? couldn't the dea just thumb through "high times" and book these dannos one by one? or, when celebrities speak freely on their pot usage, couldn't the narcs also turn the screws to get to their dealer or whatnot? look, it's ridiculous that pot is illegal and maybe the country's collective blind eye to it is indicative of their concurrence with this but i just don't see it. it just seems like all these fuddy duddy political types would be chomping at the bit to use these outlets to bust some hippies.

have you seen the preview for this "what happens in vegas" moving picture? okay, first off, the czar says "NYET!" to all references to the "what happens in vegas, stays in vegas" verbiage - consider it retired. okay, back to bidnesss. in this preview, they feature a scene where ashton kutcher meets cameron diaz's boss and his name is "richard banger" to which the incredibly witty and clever kutcher responds with "i guess that makes you 'dick banger'." really, this joke made it into an actual hollywood movie which cost millions upon million of dollars to make. and, this joke is noteworthy enough to make it to the trailer. "dick banger" doesn't even make any sense. what is this "dick" banging? is this a euphemism for intercourse or solitaire? (yes, i'm so smitten with my own blog that i feel i can freely drop "solitaire" and everyone knows what i'm blogging about, thank you) if it were sex, it'd be "cooter banger" and you don't really "bang" anything during solitaire, do you? ugh, am i really stooping to the level of analyzing this "joke." i'm embarassed for everyone.

ba dum BLOG!!!

2 comments:

Kelly said...

You amaze me

Krista said...

I figure you would appreciate this

http://www.glarkware.com/productcart/pc/viewPrd.asp?idcategory=16&idproduct=4115

Anyways, you should write more, it keeps me entertained at work. Once i finished yours, i checked out the subsequent blogs. Jesus h christ. The one right after yours "loves buttons" and should really find another career path besides painting, and I'm hoping the one after that is written by a 12 year old or least someone with a mild case of Down's syndrome. And then i stopped after the third one because my spanish sucks, but that one actually looked like it coild have been somewhat entertaining.