Monday, May 19, 2008

peck of pickled blog

mom and dad sent me to college not knowing a lot of things; i didn't know how to do laundry, i didn't know how to boil water, i didn't know how to make my bed, i didn't know how to download porno movies from the internets and, worst of all, i didn't know that pickles were cucumbers. i just always figured pickles were pickles because we have pickled eggs, pickled carrots, pickled pigs feet and a peck of pickled peppers. see, i think the title of "pickle" is somewhat of a misnomer and downright fraudulent because they should be called "pickled cucumbers." another thing, i've never even seen cucumbers as small as pickles before; are these baby cucumbers - "pickled baby cucumbers???" maybe this is why a stork is the mascot for vlasic pickles. see, my pickle ignorance begot stork delivering, pickled cucumber knowledge for all!!!

can you be both dumb and evil??? see, that's why i've never completely bought into being a full-on george w. bush hater like hippies and lesbians will want you to be. you can't have it both ways; anti-bush people need to pick one and just stick with it or else you are just contradicting yourself. the only person i can think of as being legitimately both dumb and evil is gargamel. however, he was smart enough to create smurfette but then, when she turned good, he wanted to destroy her like the rest of the smurfs. wait a second, kinda' like how america created saddam hussein only for him to turn evil and bush wanting to and destroying him through the sorcery of creating a silly war. like woah.

i don't understand the economy nor do i think it really involves me much. i hear it's bad now and i know gas is expensive and people can't sell their homes but that don't impress a me much (thank you, shania twain). but what does impress a me much is the trickle down effect that all things economical is having on fast food restaurants. you have the 5, $5 foot longs at subway, $5 deli favorites at quiznos and the new, under a dollar value meal at the taco bell. i think i even saw something cheap at boston market too but i'm not sure. see, i understand the economy: high gas prices and bad real estate market = cheaper fast food. yeah, economy - you think you're "bad" but do you have the touch? do you think you're elvis or something?

every good, innovative movie spawns horrible, copycat-ish movies. first we had "borat" as a foreigner-out-of-water sort of deal that was hilarious and now we'll have such unfunny summer fare attempting to capitalize on this phenomena with adam sandler in "don't mess with the zohan" and mike myers in the "love guru." who knows, maybe these movies will be good but i don't see it. foreign guys with funny accents and cultural naivety does a funny movie not make. sure, this genre existed before "borat" with movies like "coming to america" and "austin powers" but you can't tell me it's just coincidence that these two surface just a year after "borat." but see, adam sandler and mike meyers miss the point because "borat" wasn't about borat being silly but how stupid americans and american culture is. see, it happens in tv too; a year after "sex and the city" went off the air we were blessed with "the lipstick jungle," "cashmere mafia," and " the clitoris cartel."

ba dum BLOG!!!

1 comment:

Kelly said...

I even knew that pickles were cucumbers!