Thursday, May 22, 2008

12 greatest racial slurs of all-time

being a white, middle-class, testosterone-laden, american male i feel i am the best breed of peoples to blog on all things racial slurs. for one thing, because of my aforementioned progeny, i have never been affected by racism nor have i ever been the victim of any kind of discrimination whatsoever. hence, all my slur musings will be completely unadulterated and unprejudiced. every race will be represented (at least the important ones) and, as is my wont, i'll steer clear from the more well-known derogatorisms because i'm anything but cliché. oh yeah, i'd also be remiss if i didn't give the its just due in being my lone source for this blog. actually, that's not true - i'd also like to thank ignorance, hate and whimsy.

in alphabetical order

alabama blue gums
i like this slur because it sounds like an unaffiliated, double-a baseball club. and, with minor league baseball, one of of the main draws is its wacky promotional nights. for example, they can have a promotion where they hand out zillions of blue gumballs and encourage the fans to spit on the opposing team.

(east-central european)
this refers to ukranians who immigrated to america. i just think this is a strong sounding name. if there is a ukranian hollywood i'd imagine that a name like "stanley bohunk" would be the equivalent to such flashy, american screen names as "tom cruise," "vin diesel" and/or "englebert humperdink."

this sounds like an ingredient to an asian, pirate eye patch joke (you do the joke assembly line math). it also reminds me of joe scarborough and his gooey eyes. how do you take your cup o' joe???

(indian - dot, not feather)
i like when a whole group of people can be identified by their condiment of choice. it takes you back to a simpler time. or, it can be a homophobic reference to dr. frankenfurter's boy-toy. think about it...

dirt burglar
(white - oklahoman)
i think these are like squatters or something - back in the days of yore when dirt was an actual currency. think hamburgular. really, this was just the best white-american slur i could find. it's the affirmative action of derogatory, racial slurs.

gin jockey
(white - australian)
this is my favorite one - by far. it's so specific and specialized. wikipedia defines it as "a white person having casual sex with an aboriginal woman." now, what if said aussie was married to said abodiginal? (thank you, derek zoolander) would that be coo-de-la? and, where does the "gin" come in? aboriGINy???

like i blogged earlier; i love versatility. and, anytime you can have a blanket slur that covers two sets of people, it's a good thing. i'm not sure why latin speaking people are so associated with grease, but they are. is it a perspiration thing, a food thing or a hair product thing???

i'm sorry, but some words are just fun to say. i know, like all of these words, they have awful connotations and are steeped in hate and bigotry but you can't deny the phonetic glee that is "jigaboo." try it. go into a soundproof vault, an open field or a showing of "speed racer" and just let out a nice, hearty "jigaboooooo!!!!"

jim fish
(black - south african)
i'm just trying to find an instance or scenario where you can let out a guttural, hate filled "jim fish!" and have it project any sort of nasty connotation. "hey, you. jim fish!!! get back here and get what's comin' to ya!!!!" heck, wasn't "jim fish" one of those quirky, singin' and dancin' lawyers on television's "ally mcbeal?"

pancake face
creatively speaking, i have a bone to pick with this one. i feel it'd be a much more effective slur if it were "flapjack face" because aliteration makes it pop. thus, making it a little mo' betta' - as a slur. makes you wonder; would a pockmarked asian be a "waffle face?"

this slur makes me feel smart because it's a shakesperean, literary reference which i get. see, "shylock" is a jewish money lender in "the merchant of venice" and he's the guy who made phrases like "a pound of flesh" popular and had the famous "if you prick us, do we not bleed?" monologue.

this is the canadian version of the "wetback." famous "snowbacks" include pamela anderson, bret "the hitman" hart, and howie mandell. you ever notice how 90% of all comedians are either "snowbacks" and/or "shylocks?" funny.

ba dum BLOG!!!

editors note: i resign.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i believe it was july 4, 2003 when in coronado said blogger patrick was told "to go back to mexico" by a passing motorist. you suppressed this instance of racisms against you.