Sunday, March 2, 2008

revenge of the blogs

as a kid i loved colouring and, as a man child, i still love to colour. anyway, i remember going over to my grandparent's house during my formative years and they had this real old box of craYONs and my mom would pull out "flesh" (which is now "peach") and say "ewwww, flesh." then, she'd pull out "indian red" (which is now "chestnut") giggle, tell me to find an indian to colour and do that thing where you move your hand back and forth real fast over your mouth to make the indian noise - wa wa wa wa... i'd like to think, if i were a super hero and my super power was my super sense of humour, that this would be my origin story. my mom learning me that "flesh" has gross connotations and that racial stereotypes are funny is my proverbial, radioactive spider.

do you think bullies root for the nerds or the jocks in movies like "revenge of the nerds" and/or "lucas." do they have the self-awareness to realize "hey, that was really mean. maybe i should be nicer to the dorks" or do they think "that spaz really had it coming. the nerve of him to wear glasses, be smart and want to fit in...?" i bet they're completely oblivious to it and have no reaction other than the one the movie intends. they blindly root for the movie nerds, go to school the next day, smash some kid's inhaler or throw a wrench in the spokes of some 'tard's wheelchair.

i'll often find myself in establishments where they'll have men's and women's baffrooms; but each built only for one. why would they do this? if only one person can use it at a time what difference does it make whether it's a "men's" or a "women's." lines of dude will often form outside their designated room all whilst the little girls' room remains vacant. i often face this predicament and i just make hay on the girls' can. who cares? sure, guys with tattoos or wearing sunglasses will give me a weird look but whatevs... can they make the baffrooms unisex if they wanted to or is there some archaic, judeo-christian law that forbids eschewing the men/women divide for the two unisex? i'm too evolved for this shizz.

"phlegm" is a FANTASTIC word. it's the only word i can think of where each letter adds to the definition. say it. it's one syllable, five consonants and one vowel. think about it though - can you even wrap your head around the awesomeness? how did this word come to be??? it's like someone coughed, spit up some gunk and made a sound like ppphhhlllleggggmmmm.... this word goes beyond onomatopoeia though because it's so self contained and not just merely a sound or an action - its PHLEGM!!!

editor's note: i just won $5 from the blogger because i bet him that he couldn't blog an interesting entry about "phlegm." not phlegm itself but the word "phlegm." perez hilton could have done it.

ba dum BLOG!!!

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