Thursday, October 2, 2008

morbid blogesity

you hear about that new law in california? governor schwarzenegger (the black plowman) signed a bill where restaurant chains with more than twenty locations must print nutritional information on their menus. i can understand and appreciate the thought process behind this but i don't like what it means for me. first off, i went to catholic school for eight years and have just barely begun to come down from my crucifixion of guilt and have no intentions of returning. i know fast food is bad for me but i also reserve the right to put whatever i want into my body, whenever i want to, all in the name of happiness without the government insulting my intelligence and attempting to save me from myself. secondly, i like how fast food speeds up the evolutionary process and weeds out the dumb and weak. sure, i eat a lot of fast food but i also practice moderation and exercise - i'm not a fatty. and, what the over consumption of fast food inevitably does is make the weak minded masses who exhibit no self-control, pride in self or common sense morbidly obese which cuts down on their ability to find suitable mates to reproduce and, because of said morbid obesity, cuts into their life expectancy. simply put: fast food isolates the useless gene and eliminates it. lastly, this law discourages critical thinking and applied intelligence. this bill does for health what the bible does for morality. do healthy people need a government induced, fast food calorie count to be healthy? NOPE! do good and ethical people need the bible to be good and ethical? NOPE! i don't want fat people to know they're fat just as i don't want unethical people to know they're unethical. when we force feed (pun INTENDED!) self-awareness like this it encourage change for the better and, in turn, shrinks the gap between me and them. if not for them, i wouldn't be trim and good by comparison (heck, i'm barely hanging on as it is). the next thing you know, a blog bill will be passed that makes every mouth breathing mongoloid blog a daily blog and then i'd really be in big heap trouble.

ba dum BLOG!!!

editor's note: ugh, i know... i get tired of the ba dum BLOGger acting like a know-it-all and as if he's better than 99.99% of the planet too. however, be rest assured because, coincidentally enough, that same percentage represents how many people haven't heard of nor will ever read the ba dum BLOG!!!

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