Thursday, August 14, 2008

native american, little blog of colour

as we all know, the humans formerly known as midgets don't want to be called "midgets" anymore because they equate that word with the n' word. not sure if "midget" carries the same weight but whateva', if you're born hideously misshapen i think you should be able to claim whatever moniker you want. howeva', as a 5'5" and 155 lb. blogger i am offended that the humans formerly known as midgets have chosen the tag of "little people." i'm a little person. i'm smaller than the average man (the avg. american male is 5'9" and obese). wouldn't a more appropriate or accurate title for the humans formerly known as midgets be "disproportionate people?" this is just one of the many misnomers that belies the below average, white american male like myself. much like “native americans” - was i not born in america? if not native to america, where am i native to? another slap in the face is "people of colour" - am i clear or translucent? is my peachy olive hue not a colour? and, why is "coloured" even offensive? everyone knows the best part of "the wizard of oz" is when it gets "coloured." are colouring books prettier blank or "coloured." i don't know... life is hard for the native american, little people of colour like me.

we all know that "blog" is a portmanteau of "web" and "log" but what is a blog, really? is any original material written specifically for, by or on the internets automatically a blog? what's the difference betwixt a blogger and a columnist? other than my "no game" blogs, i think you can just as easily put any of my shizz in a newspaper and call it a column. i feel like the title of "blog" is used as a way to belittle the blogger's blog as amateurish or not as legit. why are my opinions any less relevant just because i am not paid for them, they do not appear in a major publication or because i only have three readers? sure, i have no qualifications but isn't the very ability to blog qualification enough as it is? they're just opinions; it's not like i'm playing journalist and pretending to break news like perez hilton or harvey levin. the mainstream media will also paint the picture of bloggers as being unemployed, schlubby cowards who hide behind their computer monitor and blog from their mother's basement all while holding themselves. a schlubby coward who is currently holding himself i may be however, i am very much so employed (albeit ungainfully), i do not live with my mother and i live in california; we don't even have basements because of earthquakes... duh.

just saw "tropic thunder;" funny moving picture. yet, it's being picketed and/or protested because of its use of the word and the depiction of "retards." first off, "tropic thunder" isn't making fun of the mentally challenged. it's making fun of hollywood's portrayal of the mentally challenged; big difference. secondly, the word "retard" may be offensive but it's a comedy and the phonetics of the word "retard" is inherently hilarious. not sure why but it's like "k" words, yiddish words and alliteration. "retard" is just funnier than "mentally challenged." lastly, and most importantly, the mentally challenged are mentally challenged and don't have the capacity to know when they're being made fun of. it doesn't mean it's okay but it's a victimless crime, like punching someone in the dark. why their steads are dragging the mentally challenged away from their "playhouse disney" and play-doh to bang tubs of ice cream with wooden spoons outside of movie theaters is beyond me. really, do you think the humans formerly known as retards would rather pretend they're offended than sit at home and watch "the bear in the big blue house?" would you alert deaf people and sign them if there was a song making fun of them??? noooooo. would you bug a blind person and let them know if there was a blog poking fun at them??? noooooo. ignorance is bliss. just leave well enough alone... like i blogged before: like punching someone in the dark.

what's so great about the bald eagle? this is the mighty and majestic national animal and symbol of the greatness that is the usofa??? don't tread on me my arse! first off, the bald eagle is endangered. ENDANGERED!!! this bird is barely even surviving in its own land that it is a symbol of; it's been treaded on thoroughly. doesn't darwinism basically say that if you die off as a species that you're basically weak sauce? and, as a bird of prey, how can you become endangered? you fly and eat rodents. rodents have been around since the dinosaurs so it's not like there's a paucity of food. and you're a bird, you can fly! fly high and away from hunters, build your nest a little higher out of elmer fudd's reach. there is no excuse for bald eagles to let themselves become endangered. then, worst of all, they're bald. BALD!!! c'mon, as a balding blogger myself, there is nothing worse in life than being bald. especially as an american. america is the most superficial, shallow nation there is and we, the mighty usofa, have chosen a bald bird who can barely even stay on the grid. the bald eagle is a PATHETIC LOSER!!! as americans, is this the creature we want representing our unrivaled global dominance??? NO!!! i say we impeach the bald eagle and elect a new national animal and symbol that truly represents the usofa. i say we elect the most powerful and dominant animal of them all: (drum roll, please) ba dum... MAN!!!

ba dum BLOG!!!

1 comment:

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