Wednesday, April 9, 2008


this is really neither here nor there, since i'm a devout apatheist, but all depictions of the devil in comparison with god and/or jesus really offer no competition in who you would chose to follow. first you got el diablo who is always smiling, often dancing and usually engaged in a good belly laugh. what has satan done that is all that bad? he had the gall to suggest that eve eat from the fruit of a tree? also, he's the source of all conflict and conflict is the backbone of all entertainment. you know what we'd have without conflict? heaven. BOR-ING!!!! on the other hand, you have maudlin old jesus looking as somber and boring as a paraplegic amoeba. i know this was briefly touched upon in the abortion of a movie that was "dogma" but where's the alacrity from old jesus? he looks miserable! and, god's few earthly appearances resulted in a banishment from paradise, a flood, turning some homos to salt and giving us rules. jesus almost made up for it by turning water to wine but lost all momentum by giving us the lasting creepfest of an image that is, of course, the crucifix.

"boom-chik-a-wa-wa" isn't funny anymore. i'm not even sure it ever was. yet, it's everyone's go-to move whenever porn or anything slightly kinky ever occurs. at this point, it's about as edgy as a balloon animal. it's a punch line in the "alvin and the chipmunks" movie for crying out loud! although, i do have to admit the "brown chicken, brown cow" joke is hi-larious. so, where does this leave us? what clever in-humour can we straight-laced, fuddy duddies use to illustrate that we're hip to the porn scene? i don't know...i was going to try to come up with some quippy quips but i really have nothing. but this is really what "ba dum BLOG!!!" is all about: making fun without offering any sort of real solutions or viable alternatives. how post-modern of me!

i think i want to be a polygamist. but not one man with skirts-a-plenty but dudes-a-plenty with one special lady. it'd be like "full house," "the rippers" included, but with more dudes and less aunt becky. i know this sounds cRaZY but hear me blog it down:
financially: everyone knows men make more money than women so think of the combined income of the estate - yes, estate. heck, you probably wouldn't even need a 40 hour a week job. plus, you may even be lucky enough to draw the stay-at-home-dad card.
sexually: sure, you'd probably only get it once a week but that's every marriage. it'd be like an in-house, scheduled booty call. also, think of how easy it'd be to have a lady(s) on the side. please also consider the delight of having your own bed three quarters of the time.
paternally: not a problem. in a skirts-a-plenty marriage the place is crawling with kids. but, with a dudes-a-plenty marriage there's only one person who can be impregnated. sure y
ou might have around 5 kids but that's nothing. plus, you and the dudes can collude and preclude the pregnancies.
camaraderie: what we have here is a boy's club in the highest degree (and, no. it's not a frat house. frats are lame.). think of all the video game tournaments, fantasy leagues, basketball games, football sundays, garage bands, water balloon fights, homoerotic humour, tree houses, fart contests, etc. at least one dude will know something about cars, know how to build stuff, cook, fight (when we encounter other boys' clubs) and then there's me - i'll blog!!!

ba dum BLOG!!!


Christy said...

count me in on the skirts-a-plenty!

Kyra Vision Blog said...

Finally a polygamy sect that makes sense!