Wednesday, June 10, 2009

blogs suck

vampires are IN right now! and, the two most popular literary incarnations are the "twilight" series (books/movies) and "true blood" (tv series) which is based on "the southern vampire mysteries" (books). first off, "twilight" sucks (pun INTENDED!)... awful, cliched and amateurish writing. i saw the movie and have actually read three of the four books for reasons i can't rightly explain. it's kind of like how my mom made orange roughy for dinner for a year straight when both her and my dad hated it and she has zero explanation for it to this day. anyway, i just watched the "true blood" show on my dvd machine and it proved to be everything "twilight" could've been only if a mormon chick with an iq of 78 didn't write it. really, just for the mere fact that "true blood" showed anna paquin's boobies makes it infinitely better all on it's own. with that blogged, it's uncanny how similar the characters/storylines are. first off, when stephanie meyer, who wrote "twilight" in 2001, claims that the story "came to me in a dream," she's CLEARLY lying. peep this ruckus on the similarities betwixt the three main characters and respective love triangles:

true blood '01 v. twilight '05
sookie (main gal) v. bella (main gal)
mindreader - new girl in town
falls in love w/bill because she can't read his mind - falls in love w/edward
r'ship w/bill puts her in constant danger - r'ship w/edward puts her in constant danger

bill (vampire) v. edward (vampire)
new dude in town - mindreader
falls in love w/sookie - falls in love w/bella because he can't read her mind

sam (3rd wheel) v. jacob (3rd wheel)
sookie's good friend - bella's bestfriend
unrequited love for sookie - unrequited love for bella
shapeshifts into a dog - werewolf

in a similar vein (pun INTENDED!), hollywood needs to get together and have some sort of a "vampire summit" where they agree upon the rules and mythology of vampires. every vampire story wastes too much time discrediting some myths while indulging others. for example, "twilight" vampires have no fangs and shine all sparkly like in the sun where "true blood" vampires do have fangs and burn to death in the sun. then, you have even more complicated matters as it pertains to life and death: how does one kill a vampire or how would one become a vampire? we have garlic, silver bullets, wooden stakes, crucifixes, holy water, the sun, simply biting the neck, draning the human's blood entirely, biting just long enough to infect the human without killing them and so on. these are important issues that need consistency! what if humans were willy nilly hatching from eggs or breathing in water from a movie to movie basis? would it be so hard to just agree to a set of vampire maxims and stick with them? or, what if some blogger went on to blog about how similar two vampire stories are while also complaining about how inconsistently different they are?

ba dum BLOG!!!


John said...

This reminded me of our discussion about getting the ground rules set before "Hollow Man".

ba dum BLOGger said...

YES!!! i remember our "hollow man" discussion... "okay, we're gonna' be turning you invisible so we have a few groundrules we'd like to set. first, no sneaking up behind people and scaring them. second, no peeping at girls in the bathroom or in various states of undress. and, most importantly, NO KILLING PEOPLE." hahaaa :0)

Little Oregon Bug said...

You know what always irked me about my beloved Twilight series (yes I'm a guilty lust filled girlie fan)? I hate the fact that these vampires never have to pee. I'm sorry, but they DRINK blood. They need to excrete it from somewhere. So Stephanie Meyers says they don't sweat, they don't need showers, their hair doesn't grow, blah blah blah. How in the F do they get rid of the blood they drink? I need answers!!

ba dum BLOGger said...

excellent point about the peeing. in "true blood" their tears are blood so maybe they pee blood.