Wednesday, February 25, 2009

the buffalo blogs

if you really think about it, the concept of tighty-whities is quite the fallacious enterprise. i think they've been pretty much phased out by now, except for in novelty/comedic purposes, but tighty-whities were pretty much the standard for men’s undergarments for at least fifty years. of course, there are also boxers, but that’s a whole ‘nother bit of ridiculousness… that i can’t resist tangentalizin' on. i’ll be brief (pun INTENDED!), but i’ve tried wearing boxers a few times and they got all twisted around my trunk with half a leg sucked up into my abyss all whilst my elvis was floppin’ around in a perpetual leather stage. needless to say, boxers didn't quite cut the mustard but i digress… see, i’m not so bumped by the “tighty,” it’s the “whitey” that gets me. there are just waaay too many things that could go wrong down there in the "milk, milk, lemonade around the corner fudge is made" variety of which could compromise the “whitey” aspect of the “tighties.” that’s why i propose that all unmentionables should be of a reddish brown colour. no blood, no foul, right? "whitey" is setting waaay too "tighty" of a precedent with little to no margin for error. you wouldn’t wear white to a spaghetti dinner nor would you make brown toilet paper. let’s keep this world colour appropriate, people.

i can't count how many times i've been bro'n down with the homies, flippin' through the channels on a lazy saturday when the consensus demands we nest on telemundo for un momento during one of their poolside, bikini shows. or, i'll be casually making fun of their goofy tella novellas, as is "the soup's" wont, and a dude bra' will pervishly remark "yeah, but how hot are the chicks?" "not at all!," i say/blog. and, i get chastised for this. they're tacky and gross; fake boobs, big hair, layers of makeup and thick thighs a pretty lady does not make. i have nothing against mexicans either; there are plenty of classy, attractive mexican gals like penelope cruz, j-lo and even bjork. sure, i may sound like a racist but this point is analogous to my opinions of the "rock of love: bang bus" ladies. you can say the same exact things about them with all the fake boobs and makeup. obviously, american tv is just as bad but i don't hear anyone ever espousing the beauty of daisy or heather the 40-year-old stripper.

you ever stop and think about what's going on with the nomenclature of futbol americano's buffalo bills? first off, the very man they're named for, "buffalo" bill cody, received his "buffalo" moniker for his prowess in killing buffaloes. yet, the buffalo bills' mascot and logo are of a buffalo which undermines the man in which they're named for. effectively, they've chosen to treat their team bass ackwards with their identity representing the name of the city while the nickname is more or less an absentee placeholder. also, if you're familiar with o.j. simpson's bills of the 60's, you'd know that their indelible logo was a silhouette of a red buffalo which looked suspiciously like a bloodied buffalo carcass after "buffalo" bill cody had just shot and skinned it (violent o.j. parallels INTENDED!). you'd think the mascot/logo should be of "buffalo" bill cody and not the creature he just about single-handedly wiped off the continent. lastly, the city of buffalo was not even named for buffaloes the animal (they never even lived there!) but for a crude translation of beau fleuve, the french word for "beautiful river," after early settlers feasted their beady, frog eyes on the niagara river. then, to top it off, sources close to ba dum BLOGger have revealed that the niagara river isn't even "beautiful," but rather is a dried up, muddy crick. no wonder the bills lost four straight super bowls...

ba dum BLOG!!!

5 comments:

john said...

So the browns should feature a logo that looks like a stylized Paul Brown? Doesn't seem marketable.

ba dum BLOGger said...

why not? the raiders' logo is based on randolph scott.

Tara said...

1. I'm glad you're back.
2. However, you know Bjork isn't mexican right? Or was it a joke that I just don't get? You're Mexican bit was well played. I was only slightly offended, being that I'm only half mexican...but of course never take anything you say personally.

ba dum BLOGger said...

to tell you the truth, that whole bit was based upon the hilarity that is mistaking bjork for a mexican and then, on top of that, listing a spaniard and a puerto rican, as well. don't be offended, i just think telemundo gals are a horrible representation of what you people have to offer. oh, and thank you for the kind words! i'm glad you're back, too
;0)

lee said...

lol..."you people"