editor's note: you may not watch "lost" but i promise this entry is relevant, nonetheless. lost just introduced this new character named miles straum -maelstrom anyway, he's this 5'5, 140 lb. asian dude and he's running around the island, getting in everyone's face, hootin,' hollerin' and just trying to present himself as some kind of a bad ass. me for one, am not buying it. it reminds me of joe pesci in all those cliche mob movies. please, you're a 5'5, rolly polly with the voice of tranny and i'm not buying it. seriously, who is joe pesci imtimidating? yet, in all his movies people are cowering in fear....oooh, it's joe pesci and he's mad i'm 5'8, 160 lbs. and i'd stomp the guido out of joe pesci. it's okay, i'm a paison.
why doesn't barrack o'bama ever recognize the fact that he's half white? that's disrespect look, i understand the reasonings and symbolism of him being black as much more socially and culturally important than being white. but still, when they ask him for the umpteenth time, "barrack, can you explain to us what it'd mean to be the first white president?" why can't he put down his basketball and bong long enough to respond with a "yo, i'm half white too, dawg." racist?
seriously though, i'm not racist. at least i don't think i am. i just appreciate racial implications, nuance and stereotypes. face it, they're funny i'd never not be someone's friend or not hire them for a job because they have a million widows peaks, wear purple pinstriped suits or smell like soup. seriously, you can bring up how white people go to scrap book stores, have college degrees and like dane cook. differences are funny - embrace them.
you know what's cool about being a hairy dude? whenever i see a hair in my food, there's like a 95% chance it's one of my own. this comforts me.
ba dum BLOG!!!
we must put an end to apostrophes which inexplicably appear in names. isn't an apostrophe supposed to signify the omission of a letter on account of slang or the adjoining of two words to bring brevity and flow to the language? why is there an apostrophe in "mo'nique?" are "mo" and "nique" separate names or is there a letter missing betwixt the "mo" and the "nique?" is this an ethnic thing, are apostrophes being abused as weapons of culture against forced assimilation? quite frankly, i just think apostrophes in names are stupid and confusing.
sure, in 'n out is good, but it's no better than any other fast food joint and it hardly warrants those crazy drive through lines, 24/7 that snake all the way out to the street and force some hs school kid to stand out on the curb w/ a clipboard and pen. yeah, and i've heard the "it's healthier" defense and that's like saying "thank god it's only herpes!" if you want fast food, go for the ultimate cheeseburger at jack in the box. why settle for herpes when you can go for the much more convenient and tastier gonorrhea? and that "secret menu" is such elitist poppycock...i guess that's what you'd come to expect from a company that puts crazy bible speak on their paper-ware. i will say this: their uniforms are cool (with those old school paper hats and gigantic diaper pins) but until they get some sort of mascot like the king or jack, i'm not impressed.
barrack o'bama could very well be our next president but don't you think "o'bama" sounds a bit too much like "o'sama?" plus, who wants a leader of any country to have "bomb" in his name - o"bomb"a. but, the thing that blows me away (pun intended) more than anything else is that his middle name is "hussein." HUSSEIN for crying out loud!!! not only is this poor schlub's name one letter away from "o'sama," the letter which separates it (b) makes it sound like "bomb" AND his middle name is hussein! his name contains the two most dangerous/infamous figures from the past and is pronounced "BOMB"!!! hillary should have to change her name to "hillary ontherag clitoron" (or the simpler "tits mcgee") just to handicap things a bit. either way, homeboy needs a name change...
speaking of which, im tired of people leaving their puns unclaimed. what happened to us as a society where we've become ashamed of puns? the very second a clever witticism escapes our lips we get really defensive, throwing our hands back saying "hey, no pun intended!" then we have these punks who know darn well they're really quipping it up and smugly drop the "no pun intended," as if were all supposed to be really impressed. oooh, hes so clever and such a cunning linguist that the puns just effortlessly flow in such a way... even crossword puzzles place puns in a negative light. the clue for "pun" is usually - "elicits groans." "groans?" i just don't get why anyone wouldn't want to shamelessly exploit words for humorous effect. puns are utterly delightful - they bring joy, not groans. i say, claim your puns; if you're clever enough to drop them, don't deny their genius. let them be known, unshackle them from their unjust servitude to the smug and pretentious. PUN INTENDED!
ba dum BLOG!!!
editor's note: you may not watch "lost" but i promise this entry is relevant, nonetheless. lost just introduced this new character named miles straum -maelstrom anyway, he's this 5'5, 140 lb. asian dude and he's running around the island, getting in everyone's face, hootin,' hollerin' and just trying to present himself as some kind of a bad ass. me for one, am not buying it. it reminds me of joe pesci in all those cliche mob movies. please, you're a 5'5, rolly polly with the voice of tranny and i'm not buying it. seriously, who is joe pesci imtimidating? yet, in all his movies people are cowering in fear....oooh, it's joe pesci and he's mad i'm 5'8, 160 lbs. and i'd stomp the guido out of joe pesci. it's okay, i'm a paison.
why doesn't barrack o'bama ever recognize the fact that he's half white? that's disrespect look, i understand the reasonings and symbolism of him being black as much more socially and culturally important than being white. but still, when they ask him for the umpteenth time, "barrack, can you explain to us what it'd mean to be the first white president?" why can't he put down his basketball and bong long enough to respond with a "yo, i'm half white too, dawg." racist?
seriously though, i'm not racist. at least i don't think i am. i just appreciate racial implications, nuance and stereotypes. face it, they're funny i'd never not be someone's friend or not hire them for a job because they have a million widows peaks, wear purple pinstriped suits or smell like soup. seriously, you can bring up how white people go to scrap book stores, have college degrees and like dane cook. differences are funny - embrace them. .jpg)
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